Can't Look Away
Author: jill
•10:16 PM
Have you ever been disgusted by something, but you cannot look away? Because it fascinates you, or arouses your  curiosity. Like a dead animal along the side of the road. Or some old fuzzy food in the fridge. This is how I feel about drug addiction. The stories of those who are substance addicted freak me out but I am always hungry for more.

When Caiden was two years old, he fell and broke the skin just above his eye, along the bone. Although it didn't bleed very much, it was split right open. And it looked gruesome, but I checked it out anyway. And, I kept looking at it until something would completely gross me out and then I would look away in horror, muttering, "No big deal, Bud." On a completely different note, if you have ever wondered how you will know if your child needs stitches, let me assure you that when the time comes, you'll know. Trust me. And don't be afraid, because they can use a glue sometimes. Actually, the Doctor told us that he decided to use the glue because, although he was pretty sure little Caiden could handle the stitches, he wasn't so sure his mother could. So, for the crazy momoholic-types out there, a special adhesive can be used in some circumstances. But I digress ...

Jesus' Son, by Denis Johnson, is shocking and disgusting at times but I just wanted to read more. It is the semi-autobiographical account of a wandering junkie and I was fascinated. At only 133 pages, the eleven short stories are a quick read. Actually, it could be a novel with eleven chapters, but there is no time line. So the nineth story could have happened before second story. I suspect Johnson doesn't even know the order in which the stories happened because that is how I imagine it is for an addict. Time and sequence have no meaning; it's just a block of time. But the last story is definitely the ending.

I wanted to learn more about Denis Johnson, suspecting the story had some truth to it. Because you cannot make this kind of stuff up. You just can't. I learned that he is a shy and reserved man, so it was difficult to find information on him. It seems he does not seek out the spotlight. But I did find a great article about him ... click here if you want to read it.

Jesus' Son gives us a glimpse into the world of an addict through the eyes of a man known only as Fuckhead.

"No wonder they call me Fuckhead."
"It's a name that's going to stick."
"I realize that."
"'Fuckhead' is gonna ride you to your grave."
"I just said so. I agreed with you in advance," I said.

Each story is like a television episode. The only recurring character is the narrator, and each time, we get to go along on his ride. Like when he just wanders around aimlessly in the middle of the night because he has no where else to go. Or, when he and a buddy think up a way to make some money. Or, when he and another buddy become involved with eight baby bunnies. The narrator often acknowledges that he is not sure whether one hour passed or one day. There is divorce, death by overdose, happy hours, abortion, rehab, stealing, shootings ... this book has it all. The words flow in tangled confusion sometimes, in the same way that I imagine a junkie would think them.

Jesus' Son reminds of The Basketball Diaries by Jim Carroll. I have not read the book, but I did see the movie. It was one of the most disturbing things I have ever watched. It is difficult for me to deal with the idea that people live like this. As I sit writing this, there are poor lost souls out there living the things I can only read. After I saw this movie, it remained with me for many, many days. Sneaking into my thoughts ... wondering how I would have saved him, if I'd been there. I do not mean to sound arrogant, implying that I could, in fact, save him. But I would want to try. I would want him to know that he does not have to live addicted ... waking up and not knowing where he is, sleeping on the street, wandering around aimlessly, without real relationships.

There has always been something about drug addiction that I have found equally as revolting as it is fascinating. I cannot look away. When I was a little girl, my family went on a camping trip all the way around Lake Superior. One afternoon we stopped at a Provincial Park for lunch, so all the kids could stretch their legs. While the mothers dug food out of the campers, the kids wandered around, running off the energy that had been accumulating. I spotted three people, two men and a woman, in the water with their clothes on. The three of them were goofing around near a waterfall the entire time we had our lunch break. I can still picture them now, thirty-some years later. They were acting bizarre ... like they could see things we could not. I stared in the same way that I might have watched a disabled person, trying to figure them out. I don't think any of the other kids even noticed them, but I watched them from afar, engrossed in their behaviour. Like watching wild animals interact behind bars at the zoo.I remember my Mom telling me not to stare, but I wanted to know what was wrong with them.

"Never mind," she said, her voice almost a whisper. "And, stop staring."

Whatever it was, it must have been embarrassing because my Mom didn't want to talk about it and she told me twice not to stare at them. I think I was worried about them, especially the woman. Because to a seven year old little girl, it seemed as though they were sick. Or maybe crazy. And there was nobody around to help them. It was the seventies and all about freeing your mind, but I did not understand that at the time. Instead, it scared me.

As a young adult, I thought addicts were just losers who couldn't get themselves together. With some university education and a little maturity, I understand better now. I understand that addiction is an illness. But as a student of psychology, my interest lies in why the person wants to escape in the first place. Because I believe there is a reason for wanting to escape; at least, in the beginning. And then, it becomes a dependance. If you do not deal with whatever demon you are carrying around, you will turn to some sort of escape again and again. I think this is why I started to research Denis Johnson ... because I want to know what he was running from.

This book about addicts is addictive. If he wrote another collection of stories, I would definitely read it! Pick this one up, if you're into junkies.

And so, my quest moves forward. Five books read. According to my calculations, if I want to stay on course for one hundred books, I have fallen behind by one.  I should have read six books by tonight. Fast Food Nation is up next ... already started ... you are what you eat.
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Lessons Learned Shopping with Addie C. Jones
Author: jill
•3:15 PM

At Christmas time this year, my children were introduced to some friends of their Grama and Grampa Jones. As a special treat, one friend, who became known as The Money Man because my girls can never remember his name, gave each of the kids five dollars to spend however they chose. We tucked the money away for something to do on a boring, snowy day. As it turns out, this past Saturday, although not snowy, was indeed very boring. Marnie woke up ready to spend her five dollars.

After some thought, I suggested we check out Dollarama. Look, I know it is stuff for a dollar, but when you are a little girl, it doesn't really matter where you get your stickers from. It just matters that you get the stickers. There are lots of crafty supplies at Dollarama and I assumed she would pick up five crafty supplies. But what do I know? She selected a little hair stylist kit, complete with a pretend hairdryer and lots of pretty things for Barbie's hair; and she also got a little purse set. But she is like her mother because she went for the high-end stuff ... two bucks for each set. However, her father has had some influence as well because she was quick and decisive in her shopping endeavour. We were in and out of there on Saturday afternoon in five minutes flat.

When we arrived home with Marnie's treasures, we were met with tears of disbelief from a little sister. I quickly explained that I was planning to take her shopping when the big kids went back to school on Monday. So, on Monday morning I was greeted bright and early by a three-year-old, completely dressed in beautiful shopping attire, asking if we could go to the store immediately.

"Can I give the lady my money when we pay? Like a big girl?" Addie asked while we drove over to Dollarama. I assured her she could, enjoying the excitment that a shopping trip could generate in such a little girl. And they all like to hand over the cash, don't they? Marnie wanted to do the same thing ...

I soon learned that when shopping with Addie, you must check each item in the store before a final decision can be made. And I don't mean strolling up and down the aisles, just taking in the sights. I am pretty sure she touched every single thing she could reach in the store.

"And, what's dis?" she would ask, turning the item over in her little fingers.

The thing about little kids is that they don't care about the price tag, and they don't care if it says Armani on the side or "made in China" on the bottom. Whether she had a million dollars or one dollar, she was going to take the time to make the right decision. Which involved knowing all her options before a final decision could be reached.

Sometimes, a girl just knows and other times, she needs try things on. As in the case of the slippers. Addison loves shoes ... alot. She wears them all the time and even sleeps in them. I have written about the problem before. So, I'm sure you can understand that the shopping trip came to a halt in front of the slippers. She must have tried on ten different pairs of one dollar slippers, most of which were too big for her. But you just don't know 'til you try ... even if your Mom tries to tell you.

The first item finally selected, we made our way a little further down the aisle and the slippers were quickly tossed aside for a pair of pink (imitation) crocs. And so our shopping trip at Dollarama went until we had the crocs, a little plastic purse filled with all kinds of cool stuff and a Valentine's Day Heart charm to clip onto the little purse. And as promised, she handed the clerk her money just like a big girl. She got one cent back in change.

On our way home, she chattered happily about her purchases.

"But you know what the best part is?" she asked me.

"No, Addie. What is the best part?" I asked.

"Daddy will be happy at me 'cause the lady gave me some money back, that's what," she explained.

She probably has a point there ... Why? 'Cause Mommy doesn't often do that, that's why.
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Practically Already Forgotten
Author: jill
•3:34 PM
I was really looking forward to reading Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman. After first being published in the seventies, she has gone on to write several books, which I can only assume means that the woman can tell a good story. Practical Magic is listed on several "must read" lists and it was made into a movie in 1998 starring Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman. Hoffman often writes about magic and peculiar relationships, both of which I enjoy reading about.

But, I have to be honest ... I'm not so sure what all the excitement is about. For me, it was like a storybook for adults; similar to something I would read to my girls at bedtime, except this is aimed at an adult audience. It did not provoke any deep soul searching or questioning of ideals. I did not fall in love with the characters; I did not really relate to them in any meaningful way, I guess. For me, this book was just okay ...


What I did find interesting is that it is written in an unusual style ... there are no chapters. It is broken into four sections, but no chapters. There are two schools of thought on this. Some say that without chapters, it encourages the reader to continue reading since there are no natural breaks. However, there are those who enjoy the frequent break that a chapter provides. Hoffman does an amazing job of transitioning from one part of the story to another. If I had to diagram it, it would look like the wavy lines on a lie detector test; dipping in the transitions and peaking at the really interesting parts. I don't think I have ever read a novel that did not have chapters, and because I have to read in short spurts, I missed them.

The story revolves around the Owens women. The name Owen means born of yew, which is a tree that symbolizes sorrow, death, and resurrection - all of which are pivotal themes to the story. The relationship between these women, particularly sisters Sally and Gillian, is central to the story. They have a special understanding of each other ... "No one knows you like a person with whom you've shared a childhood. No one will ever understand you in quite the same way."

I wouldn't have expected it in this book, but I have (expertly) diagnosed one of the Owens sisters as a fellow momoholic. She says its brilliantly ... "She sounds a little hysterical. For the past sixteen years ... she has been thinking about her children. Occasionally she has thought about snowstorms and the cost of heat and electricity and the fact that she often gets hives when September closes in and she knows she has to go back to work. But mostly she's been preoccupied with Antonia and Kylie, with fevers and cramps, with new shoes to buy every six months and making sure everyone gets well-balanced meals and at least eight hours of sleep every night. Without such thoughts, she's not certain she will continue to exist. Without them, what exactly is she left with?" Sounds like a momoholic to me ... wouldn't you agree? Which leads me to believe that momohlics, like all addicts, come from various walks of life ... even witches.

Time is an essential part of the story. Not the passing of time, but the time of day. Anything pivotal to the plot takes place at night, in the dark. Transitional segments of the story most often take place during the daylight hours. But most important is twilight, the time of soft diffused light when the sun is below the horizon, most commonly from sunset to nightfall. "At twilight they will always think of those women who would do anything for love. And in spite of everything, they will discover that this, above all others, is their favorite time of day. It's the hour when they remember everything the aunts taught them. It's the hour they're most grateful for."
 
I never get to enjoy twilight ... my house is full of noisy kids, usually a television talking, dishes clinking. But I imagine that when it is quiet once again and I get a chance to enjoy the magic of twilight, those moments will be spent thinking of those noisy kids and otherwise uneventful days of parenting. As for twilight tonight, I'll probably standing stirring something on the stove while reading the first chapter of my next book ...



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The Things I Learned at Kaaterskill Falls
Author: jill
•12:18 PM
When I was nine years old, my parents bought a cottage at Rondeau Park. Actually, they co-owned it with my Aunt and Uncle. We would spend the summer there and as many weekends in the Spring and Fall as my parents could manage. I have so many wonderful memories of those years that I was shocked when my Mom told me they owned it for only three years. We played for hours in the woods that ran alongside our property, using our imaginations. You remember, right? That is what kids did before The Disney Channel and Wii consoles. We went for bike rides, as a family, and on nature walks through the trails in the Provincial Park. No outing was complete without an ice cream cone down by the big dock, enjoying the creamy coolness while we watched the fisherman reel in their catch. My brother would spend his days fishing, and I played at the beach behind our cottage ... in the sun ... with suntan oil instead of sun screen. I know ... the 1970s were crazy times!

But what I remember most is the parties the adults would have. Lots of laughing, campfires, late night smelt fishing ... and Mr. Bill. Do you remember that skit from Saturday Night Live? "Oh no, Mr. Bill ..." I can still hear my Uncle talking for hours in his Mr. Bill voice. And if I played my cards right (no pun intended), sometimes I would get to stay up late and play UNO with the adults - eating junk food and drinking pop. But even if I didn't get to sit around the card table, I could lay in bed listening and still feel a part of the party anyway. These are the kinds of memories I wish I could give my children.

Kaaterskill Falls by Allegra Goodman revolves around a Jewish community that summers in Kaaterskill, New York in the late seventies. The women and children stay in rented bungalows during the week and their husbands join them for the weekends. The Kirshners are strict Orthodox Jews and seem to live a simple life. I was a little unsure where the story was going when I began to read it ... there were many characters and the story changes perspective, so I was getting confused. However, I came to truly love this story and I didn't want it to end. This is the kind of book I like to keep, just to have nearby. I cannot explain it, but there are some books I read that I cannot part with. I think it may be that I already know I will want to read it again. Do you ever do that? Read a book more than once? I happen to have borrowed this one from our local library and it will be with a heavy heart that I say good bye.

I am beginning to wonder if all good novels revolve around religion, because again I find myself faced with the issue of religion. This time it is different, because I do not know much about Jewish religion. And, this is not something I am proud of. In my hometown, where I grew up, there was one Jewish family that I can think of. When I asked, I was told that the Jewish religion was very much the same as the Christian beliefs except they were still waiting for the coming of Christ. So, their belief system and teachings were based on The Old Testament. And, the rest of my Jewish experience comes from the Rabbi on Seinfeld. So, you see, my understanding of the Judaism embarrassing.

After a little research, I learned that Judaism is not based on a book of beliefs at all, but ascertains its identity from upholding the traditions of their ancient founders. It is based on actions instead of beliefs; how you behave (or should behave) governs the path your life takes. I found some of these governing ideals very archaic and unrealistic for a woman in today's culture. However, I am open to the idea that one should take responsiblity for one's actions because it is easy to say you believe in something. It is easy "to say" that you are religious and go to Church every Sunday but do your actions support your words? Orthodox Jews, like the Kirshners in Kaaterskill Falls, are the most conservative group, retaining nearly all traditional rituals and practices. At the opposite end of the spectrum, Reform Jews retain their Jewish identity and some traditions but take a more liberal approach to many Jewish beliefs and practices. There are many rituals and celebrations that practicing Jews participate in, and I was unsure of what some of them were as I read. In fact, there were many words that I had to look up in order to understand what was being celebrated.

Rav Kirshner and his followers are at the centre of the novel. Rav has two sons, Isaiah and Jeremy. Jeremy is the oldest of the two, brilliant, well educated and learned, but does not follow Judaism as strictly as he should to remain in good standing with his father. Isaiah works alongside his father, studying with him, trying to learn from him, running the synagogue with him, and caring for him when he falls ill. However, he will always fall short of his father's expectation and live in the shadow of what his brother could have been. Always. While Isaiah craves his father's praise and respect, Jeremy throws it away, not wanting to be a part of it. "He does not want to be, nor is he, the vessel of his mother's dreams. Nor can he be anymore his father's tragedy ... His father's objections have been silenced, as has his mother's praise."

Kaaterskill Falls tells the story of the Jewish woman. Did you know that in the synagogue, the men sit one side and the women sit on the other side ... separated. Because they are not considered equal. Men make the decisions; and more importantly, the Rav makes all the decisions that will affect the community. For instance, when a woman wants a (paying) job, she must get permission, first from her husband and then from the Rav. If a follower wants to open a business, he must get the Rav's blessing which is only given if the Rabbi feels it is in best interest of the Jewish community. Sometimes, the Rav will not speak directly to the women. Actually, although he is greatly respected, the Rav in this story is not warm and fuzzy at all.

The women in the story are all so different but they are the same. Elizabeth Shulman is in her early thirties, she has five daughters and she is restless. Her youngest daughter is three years old, and Elizabeth is looking for a challenge. Something to stimulate her brain ... sound familiar? Religion is an instinctual part of her and she is not looking to change that. However, she wonders ... "What are the opportunites for someone who has only been a mother? Not merely a mother, as if it were unimportant, but only a mother. All consumingly." Elizabeth has been a momoholic but she is seeking recovery now. And in that way, I can relate to Elizabeth. I feel bad for her because she does not live in the twenty-first century, like me. She is living in 1976, and the role of women, although changing, was not the same then as it is today. Elizabeth wants a "chance to shape something that cannot become anything else, only hers. To truly create something, material, definable, self-limited." If only she could have started a blog and challenged herself to read one hundred books in one year.

Elizabeth takes the path less travelled when she asks permission to open her own kosher store in Kaaterskill for the summer months. But she becomes overly zealous, wanting more, and makes a mistake that costs her the one thing that she truly enjoys. When I say that she wants more, I do not mean that she wants to earn more money. The thing that makes Elizabeth a success is that her motives are not based in earning money to become really rich; she is successful because she really enjoys what she is doing. Haven't you ever noticed that the fancy dessert you spent hours on always turns out the best when it is something you enjoyed working on? As opposed to the times when you threw something together in a hurry because you had to. Elizabeth enjoys having something of her own that makes her brain function in a new way. She is stimulated and becomes alive. Many successful people have talked about the same thing, explaining that their business was born out of an interest, something they enjoyed doing. However, when Elizabeth loses the Rav's permission, she becomes an outsider. She does not feel a part of the community she has belonged to for so long. "... she admits the disjunction between her ideas and his plan for the Kehillah. The disjunction was always there, but it was inside of her. Private, familiar. The Rav broke it open, wounding her, making her confess it." I appreciate her feelings because taking a chance is not always embraced by all.

It seems as though all the women are unhappy and feel restrained. Nina thinks that perfecting her religion, she is perfecting herself. Rachel is the exact of opposite of Elizabeth; she is happy channelling her energy to ensure the success of her husband. "Her ambition for Isaiah is uncompromised. He is her profession, and his future is her life's work." Stand behind your man; support your husband and his endeavours. Of course, this is part of having a successful relationship/marriage in my opinion, but you can lose yourself in trying to support the man you love. Again, this I know too well.

Mrs. Schermerhorn is the librarian of the Kendall Falls Library; proud and watchful are the words used to describe her. She examines each person's selection of book "as if to judge whether she is worthy." Jonesy and I just had a discussion on this very topic. He was wondering whether the clerks at the book store judge people based on the type of book they purchase. I don't think they judge but I do think you can tell something about a person based on what they are reading. For instance, when he brought home the Living Raw Food cookbook, one could assume that he is a liberal thinker who is interested in health and is considering carefully what he consumes for food. The same is true for what you find in someone's grocery cart. Don't pretend like you don't do it ... we all check out the contents of each other's grocery carts. I don't do it to judge, I do it because it entertains me. It can tell you a little bit about the person who is behind you in line. For instance, I can tell a bachelor without even looking at who is pushing the cart; how old a person's children are; if they have children; if they like to bake; if they are having a party. I do the same thing with shoes ... checking out the shoes a person wears can tell you a whole bunch about the owner of those shoes. Think about it.

And so, number three is done. And I learned some things ... again. In fact, the next thing I read will be a recipe for kugel. What is kugel? It can be a dessert, I think? And I know I've seen a recipe for Noodle Kugel somewhere. Something new to research.

By the way, Kaaterskill is a real place and reminded me a little bit of the Rondeau Park I grew up in - the small grocery store, park with the nature trail, beaches for swimming. I think that next year I should make it a goal to visit all the places I have read about this year. Now, that would be exciting, wouldn't it? And I could blog about my travels ... does anyone want to hire me?
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Addie C. Jones and the Flowering Beads
Author: jill
•9:54 PM
Have you met Addie C. Jones? I swear she is a clone of the popular children's series hero, Junie B. Jones. They both stomp their feet when they're angry, they both wear some crazy clothes and they both get into a lot of mischief. But luckily, only one of them lives at my house.

We just started reading this series at my house, but with each chapter I read to the girls, it seems like I am reading about my little Addison. Honestly ... Junie B.'s mannerisms, her use of language, her crazy ideas ... it's all Addie. In Junie B. Jones and a Little Monkey Business, Junie B. accepts gifts from her friends in exchange for being the first one to see her new baby brother until an all-out bidding war is taking place on the school playground. Addison Claire would do this ... she would take gifts from kids in exchange for a glimpse of her new baby brother. Of course, if Addison had a new baby brother she may have to take gifts to raise the funds for her mother's weekly therapy sessions.

Anyhow, today I am feeling like some kind of distinguished Super Heroine. I have put away three loads of laundry, while number four and five are in the washer and dryer, respectively. I baked a little snack cake with a caramel topping. I got some good news about my blog and I did a little reading. And, I made homemade (from scratch) turkey pot pies. That is when the trouble began.

As I was chopping and bubbling away in the kitchen, Addie C. came in and asked for two bottles of water.

"Why?" I asked. "Why do you need two bottles of water?"

" 'Cause I'm growin' flowers," she explains. What a sweet little thing, pretending to grow flowers in the wintertime. She wants to bring a little sunshine to us, I think to myself.

"Just for pretend, right Addie?" I answer for her. "You may use two empty bottles."

"No, I just wanted some water," she insists.

"Well, no," I insist. "We cannot grow flowers in the house."

"Oh, okay," she says. "Let's take them outside and grow them then."

"Well, it's too cold today, but maybe we can do that in the Spring," I suggest. She seems to think this is a good idea and wandered off, singing happily, leaving me to continue with the chopping and the bubbling and the stirring.

A couple of hours later, Big Sister Marnie arrives home from school and goes to check on the status of her room. Marnie does this everyday to ensure that everything is just as she left it this morning. Today, there is a high-pitched scream when she reaches the top of the stairs, followed by sobbing.

Addie C. Jones has been growing flowers in Marnie's bedroom. Marnie received a craft project from her Nana as a Christmas gift. It has little itty, bitty beads; lots and lots of little itty, bitty beads. Itty bitty beads that look like seeds, as it turns out. The little red beads seeds have been sprinkled around on the carpet. Now, as luck might have it, the Easter Bunny was nice enough to bring the cutest little gardening set for each of the girls last year. So, fortunately, there was a watering can nearby and the carpet had been watered to ensure the flowers would grow really big. I am still not entirely sure where the water came from but I suspect there is no water left in Marnie's bedside glass. Then a little glitter powder had been added for good measure. 'Cause what are bead flowers without the glitter?


Honestly, she is really sweet. For instance, just today, Addie C. told me that when her birthday comes she wants to buy new earrings for her big sister. Now, even though she just wants to replace the ones that she lost down the bathroom sink, that is still really nice. Don't you think?

I felt it my duty, as her mother, to attach this photo taken a couple of weeks ago. We told her that we were going to a restaurant to celebrate the Christmas Holidays, and that it was important to put on something pretty to wear. This is how she presented herself, feeling as pretty as a princess. Mean 'ol Daddy, put his foot down, explaining there was a "No Pyjamas" rule at the restaurant. So, she had to settle for a cute little jean skirt and a warm wintry shirt.

I guess I forgot one other thing I did today - I also cleaned up a flower garden. So, what did you do?
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Religion in The DaVinci Code
Author: jill
•1:24 PM
This is the second of two posts on The DaVinci Code. If you would like to read the first post, click here.

It was snowing this morning, as I walked the kids to the bus stop. Addison joined us because it looked like it would be fun ... walking in the snow, that is. Fresh footprints, the sounds of crunching snow as we walked. Do I have faith, I asked myself. Sometimes nature invokes self-reflection, and after a few days with The DaVinci Code, it seems this was the case with me this morning.

I have written this post three times. If you know me, you also know that I love to talk but there are a few things that I do not relish disussing. Money, politics, vaccines ... and religion. I think the reason I do not enjoy exchanging ideas on these issues is because, at their core, they are just personal choices. Choices that you have to make on your own; and what you choose to do/think/believe should not impact on what I choose to do/think/believe. Because it is personal.
Why am I going to talk about it? Well, it is at the core of The DaVinci Code. But, I am going to tread lightly, I think. My thoughts are certainly not intended to offend, just provoke thought ... and for some, that can be difficult.

Dan Brown references the word scotoma, in which he describes it as the brain's ability to use powerful preconceived notions (in the form of symbols) to block out inconsistencies seen by the eye. Dictionary.com defines scotoma literally as a blind spot. I love this because it so true. It is the idea that you believe something because you have been told it is true over and over, and when confronted with information contradicting your beliefs your mind protects you by blocking out the inconsistencies, overriding what your eye sees. Imagine a picture of a glass of milk - what comes to mind? Wholesome, healthy, nutritious ... makes a body strong, right? It is breastmilk from a cow, people. You do not need to drink milk to be strong or healthy. Now, imagine a glass of milk from a hippopotamus. Same thoughts jump to your mind? Probably not. I read recently that the brain is lazy and it searches for information that will agree with what it already knows and it ignores new information that conflicts with those ideas. Many of you will ignore what I have just written because it is easier.

Imagine for a moment that everything you learned at Sunday School was nothing more than a story. For some, this is almost incomprehensible. Most people I know grew up attending Church on Sunday. We learned about the Bible because our parents learned about the Bible when they were little and growing up. In fact, I can remember my Mom saying that one of the reasons she went to Church was so that I could go to Sunday School. I guess it was one thing she didn't have to teach me herself. She could take care of proper table manners, thank you cards, making my bed ... but leave religion up to the Sunday School Teacher. And, we did not question the teachings of our Church - they were just fact. The end. Just like I did not question table manners or writing thank you cards. However, after I learned the truth about Santa and the Easter Bunny, I should have thought to ask about the story of Jesus, too.

I have always relied on facts. It is how my brain operates. Give me the information, I will assimilate it in with what I already know and I will generate an opinion. If the new information does not fit in with what I already know, I will seek out more information. Dictionary.com defines faith as a belief that is not based on proof; at the cornerstone of religion is faith. Belief in God/Jesus without any proof. Some will say that The Bible provides all the proof we need. But I need a reference source, something to authenticate the story and many are poking holes in the story; it seems that one question leads to another. The DaVinci Code forces many questions ...

To research it all for yourself would take a huge load of time; and frankly between three kids, reading one hundred books in one year and the laundry, I just don't know if I'll be able to fit it in right now. But it would be a real journey ... maybe next year.

I believe there was a man named Jesus Christ, who was a powerful leader. I even believe in many of the ideals he taught - honour thy parents; do not murder; do not covet your neighbour's house/wife/ox; do not steal. These are all great values to live by and I teach them to my children. It's the part about the Virgin Mother and the Kingdom of Afterlife that I have reservations about.

Religion is based in fear, or in instilling fear in others. Scare others into thinking like you do. Safety in numbers, right? Conformity. Be like us. Do what we do. Join our group. It is actually the hallmark of adolescence. And we expect these young kids to find their own way ... some do and others get lost. To be completely honest, I respect those who have a strong belief in God/religion. It is wonderful that so many have found something that gives them strength to get through difficult times and bring them together with other like-minded folks. What I do not understand is why some individuals/groups find it difficult to respect the decision of some to find strength from other sources.

Since Roman Catholicism is at the heart of The DaVinci Code, I will pick on it. And, I've had some experience with it as well. Although I grew up as a member of an Anglican Church, I went to a Roman Catholic School for my Grade 8 year. Why? Well, that is a story for another day. I was an outcast ... not by the kids, but by the Church. I was not allowed to participate in the religious service or rituals because I had not been confirmed in the Roman Catholic Church. There were three or four of us who were excused from Communion and confession. The other kids thought we were lucky, but it made me curious. What happened in that little room, between my friends and "God," who was actually Father Somebody. I would ask them and their responses were all the same.

"We confess our sins," each of the girls would tell me.

"What kind of sins?" I would press them, eager for more information.

"Like, if I was angry with my Mom. Or I yelled at my sister. Or, I wished I had a new pair of shoes like Mary Lou," they would explain.

You mean, you had to be sorry for acting like an adolescent? I kept my thoughts to myself and as time went by, I began to see myself as the lucky one, too. Because I did not have to participate in this act every month. But it did make me feel different from them. It was as though I was not good enough to participate in their rituals. But I thought the Church welcomed everyone? I guess, maybe they meant that they would welcome anyone who would officially join up by promising a weekly tithe. Do not forget that the Church is a business and they need money to survive. And survive they do. According to the Economic Report for the Holy See 2000 the Church closed with a net gain of more than $8.5 (US) billion for that year, as it had for the past eight years running. In fact, my resident business expert, Matt Jonesy, told me that The Roman Catholic Church is considered one of the most successful businesses. Ever.

Brown skillfully intertwines fact and fiction. Pieces of information are expressed through the voice of a character, especially Leigh Teabing and sometimes it is difficult to decipher what is actual fact and what is interpretation. On the first page of the book, Brown assures us that the artwork, architecture, documents, and the secret rituals in the novel are accurate. However, there is a fine line because Teabing and Langdon often began an explanation by referencing a book or a document; but it becomes a little unclear where the factual information ends and where opinion/speculation of the character begins. I can understand why this story caused such a stir in the media when it was released.

The bottom line is that the very basis of the Church and its teachings are questioned. The role of women in the Church is challenged. The Opus Dei and its practices are brought into awareness and are not portrayed in a flattering light. This book does not make one want to run out and become a member of the Roman Catholic Church. It makes you question things.

I wonder if Dan Brown realized the can of worms he was opening when he handed in this manuscript. There is a scene in The DaVinci Code where Langdon remembers a discussion with his editor, Jonas Faukman, over his most recent manuscript. Faukman is extremely skeptical that Langdon can substantiate his claims and fears the backlash once the book hits the stands. I suspect that conversation is based on his editor's reaction to this book.

I am convinced Dan Brown says it best. He was interviewed last year on The Today Show and he says, "I do something very intentional and specific in these books. And that is to blend fact and fiction in a very modern and efficient style, to tell a story. There are some people who understand what I do, and they sort of get on the train and go for a ride and have a great time, and there are other people who should probably just read somebody else." I, for one, enjoyed the train ride.

As so, I return to the question of what I believe. As my three little miracles skipped ahead of me, giggling and catching snowflakes, I realized that I have faith in them. If I have to believe in something blindly, I choose them. As a matter of fact, I have faith in myself, too. And I don't think there is anything wrong with that.  
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The DaVinci Code - Part I
Author: jill
•11:11 AM
Somebody forgot to tell me that while I read, I have to continue my mothering ways. Apparently, the laundry will continue to build a pile and people around here still want interesting meals placed in front of them ... but there are pages to read and blog entries to compose. Now, I ask you ... which would you rather do?

The DaVinci Code took a little longer than expected. I mean, it is already January 11th and I have only read two books! Maybe I should take a different approach ... hey, did I mention it is only January 11th, and I have already read two books!?! And, I've started a third. 

DaVinci was a great read ... I don't think I have heard anyone say they did not enjoy it. Well, anyone I know that is ... because there are many critics out there. And I think you know which organization they belong to ... You have to remember that this is a work of fiction, not of fact. But I wish it was a biographical account - 'cause that would be fun. What if it really did happen, and Dan Brown just wrote it as a novel ... to maintain the secret.

Do you ever wish you could go on an action-packed adventure? I must want to, because I often have dreams like that ... on the run, time-oriented, looking for something or someone. Plus, I would get out of having to wash clothes and ceramic tile floors for a couple of days. I wanted to go on The Amazing Race so bad ... but I'll have to talk about that another time.

As a person who has recently found writing as an outlet, I cannot even fathom the amount of time and research that Dan Brown put into this book. I bet he doesn't have a three-year-old who wants snacks all the time. The references to religion, symbology, and real works of art are without end. I read the illustrated edition and found it helpful to see what Brown was describing; although, I am a very visual person and often seek out images to aid in my learning.

And, how on earth did he come up with the idea for the story in the first place? There has been a murder, but finding the murderer is not the primary goal. The main characters are on a different quest. The pace is unforgiving, moving from one tantalizing piece of information to the next. Since I love to figure stuff out, I was even trying to guess at the answers sometimes. Which, really, is just ridiculous since I have no knowledge (outside this book) of cryptology or codes or art history. But it was fun to try and I think that is one of the reasons it has gained such popularity ... the reader is along for the ride. 

According to Wikipedia, The DaVinci Code is one of the most popular books of all time and has sold more than 81 million copies worldwide. So, I'll assume you've read it. This was actually my second time reading it and I cannot believe how much I had forgotten. I must have been reading it (the first time) in a hormonal haze mixed with a little lack of sleep. The one thing that I do recall is that after reading it the first time, I really began to question religion. I think that I had already started down that road, and this book just fuelled my curiosity. But, more on that another time.

Obviously, a very enjoyable book. So many things to discuss, though. I think I will begin in an area of comfort ... because some topics are not so comfortable for me. Let's look at the some of the characters.

I think I feel most drawn to Silas. Surprised? I'm a helper ... my heart breaks for him and I just want to make it all better, even though he has done terrible things. Maybe my momoholism reaches out beyond my own children. His childhood is unthinkable - witnessing the murder of his mother, feeling responsible for it, taking his father's life and then living on his own on the streets from the age of seven. Honestly, that would be the end of most of us. To expect that a person is going to walk away from a situation like that and become a productive member of society is not reasonable. It ties back into the ideas I expressed in an earlier post, about the effects of losing a parent at a young age. But feeling responsible for the death of a cherished parent and then taking the life of the other -- forget about it. Incarceration for violent crimes seems like a very realistic outcome for a young man like Silas. He gets a second chance when he is found by Manuel Aringarosa, who treats him kindly and gives him renewed purpose. Silas is reborn as a good person, named after the Biblical figure whose life mirrored his own, but one who is used by his maker, to preserve his own agenda. For Silas, when he accidentally shoots Aringarosa, all was lost in that one moment- his purpose, his Father, his mentor, his life. As he stumbled around with Aringarosa in his arms, delivering him to those who could help, he must have felt so alone, and for that reason my heart goes out to Silas. He died alone in a garden.

My heart also goes out to Mary Magdalene - "the outcast one," as Brown refers to her. Have you ever felt like an outcast? Wanting to fit in, but you can't; being judged by those who have no right to judge. In the Bible, Mary Magdalene is portrayed as a sinner and as someone who is unworthy of even touching Jesus Christ; and now, today, everyone wants to be near her, the Holy Grail. Ever been mistaken about someone? I know I have; it is almost always regrettable to jump to conclusions about someone based on little information. I find it to be a common problem amongst teenage girls! After reading The DaVinci Code, I imagine Mary Magdalene not as an unwanted and shunned sinner, but as an intelligent, fightened woman, pregnant with the child conceived with the man she loves most, sneaking away and living in secrecy. Hiding her daughter, after watching her husband tortured. Two thousand years later, I just want to give her a hug and reassure her that everything will be okay. But that is just me, 'cause I am a helper.

Sir Leigh Teabing is, by far, the most entertaining personality in the book. Even Langdon describes Teabing as "a character." Sir Leigh provides the reader with an abundance of information, while remaining kinda funny and most certainly, full of surprises. Teabing and I would enjoy a fun banter should we have ever met. Of course, I would have had to kick his ass once I found out the truth about him. And I picture him to look like one of the Penn and Teller guys - the one who can talk; which is much different than the casting in the movie.

Robert Langdon himself is described as scholarly, a Harvard professor. In fact, I think it is commom knowledge that Brown modelled the character after himself. If I had been the casting director for the film, I would have chosen Harrison Ford. In the words of Elle Woods, he's "not totally unfortunately looking," and Harrison would look pedantic in a cardigan sweater or a tweed jacket. Plus, Forest Gump as a world-renowned authority on Religious Iconology and Symbology - please. Between you and me, I think Langdon sounds a little boring. Maybe too scholarly. I mean, could he carry on an interesting conversation outside symbology or art or history. Don't get me wrong - the things he knows are fascinating. But could you talk about them all the time? Eventually, he would impart all his knowledge upon you, and then what? Could he have fun at a hockey game? Would he have a Facebook page? Would he read this blog? I just don't think so...

Sofie Neveu will live the rest of her life with regret. She is a strong-willed woman who is not afraid to voice her opinion. She, too, is smart and educated and successful in her chosen field. I liked her, and I bet she has lots of friends. Although her tendancy to be stubborn and bull-headed cost her the relationship with her grandfather. I do not think I could have shunned my grandfather the way she did. Don't get me wrong, I can hold a grudge but he was her only family and she turned her back on him. And for that reason, I imagine she will live the rest of her life with regret. Actually, she is not unlike Mary Magdalene - both smart, strong women harbouring a secret that would change religion forever ... the same secret.

I just need to mention Captain Bezu Fache quickly. He is known by his colleagues as The Bull. His name (fache) translated into English means angry. Enough said. I picture him to be a short stocky guy, strongly opinionated, determined to get the bad guy; and he's not learned in the same scholarly way that Langdon is, but he is smart and very successful in his career. He reminds of a guy I know.
  
This is taking much longer than I imagined. This discussion, that is. It will continue ... on to more uncomfortable topics ...after the laundry is folded and the next load(s) are pushed through. Is it possible to fold, read and type at the same time? I'll get back to you ...

To read the second installment of my thoughts on The DaVinci Code, just click here.
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