Wishing I had the Secret Formula
Author: jill
•10:36 AM
While Daddy gave "the big kids" a bike-riding lessonWhen We Were Kings, Addison and I went to Indigo the other day. I feel so relaxed there - curiously relaxed. Addie C. ran around like a crazy girl, and yet, I still felt at ease with myself and with her. She chatted happily with anyone who would listen; and was frightened by the cover photo on a Muhammed Ali biography - she came face-to-face with "The Greatest" and turned to me with a look of horror. We discovered all sorts of new things ... cute Alice in Wonderland tea sets, the softest plush bunnies and bears I have ever felt, adorable boxes of Easter cookies, and of course, lots and lots of books. It is a great place to wander around and waste some time. I bet we were there for about two hours ... sigh ...

But what is it that makes you want to move from looking at a book to buying a book? Is there something in particular that draws you in?

It turns out, that nobody really knows the answer to that question. I recently read an article written in the New York Times (originally published in 2007), and it is generally acknowledged by all those in the publishing industry that there is no sure recipe for success. In fact, there has been the occasion where the publisher is so sure of huge sales that a very generous advance has been forwarded; only to find that sales dwindled. And conversely, there have been times where a book has been expected to do average sales, and it has gone on to be a best seller. But, nobody seems to be able to reliably predict when these times will occur. 

I think that part of the reason is because what appeals to me may not appeal to you. And there are a number of people who enjoy reading - it is not small niche in the consumer market. In fact, Indigo (Canada's largest book seller) reported a 2.3 percent increase in sales for its third quarter in 2008 - which was a time marked by economic decline. Their sales for one year will be in the billions of dollars. Yes, books and reading have a huge market ... at least, for now. But I wonder if, in the digitally enhanced world we live in now, my children will continue to read as adults. Just for enjoyment. And how will they select a book? But, I digress.

Let's consider what kinds of books people enjoy ... other than the Twilight Series. Those historically-based dramas that my Dad adores, just don't do it for me; and neither do Harlequin Romances. Some people love mysteries, others enjoy biographies or true crime. Some people find an author and want to read every single thing that person has written. Some people love legal thrillers, others enjoy sappy romances. Some people just like to read anything. And some people try to read one hundred books in one year from a predetermined list.

But once you have established what type of book you want/enjoy, how do you decide which one to purchase? If you do not have a list to follow, that is. Sometimes I am drawn in by the title - you know, something catchy or vague and intriguing. Since my challenge began, I have come across many book titles and some have really peaked my interest ... like Lucky by Alice Sebold - lucky in what? Is Lucky a feeling or a person? Or a pet? And tell me that you are not intrigued by the book (on my list) A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again, by David Foster Wallace, and I will call you a liar. Right to your face, too.

Sometimes I am drawn in by the look of the book - the colour scheme, the image, the design. And other times, I am attracted to nothing other than the subject - a particular type of cookbook or craft project; and in these cases, it really does not have anything to do "the look" or the title of the book because it is the information contained within the pages that I am interested in. In those instances, I look to the Table of Contents and then consider how the information is organized on those pages between the covers; and that is how I make my decision. For instance, on my most recent trip, I wanted a cookbook; and, I had narrowed it down to two choices. Unfortunately, I could not afford to buy both - they were both the same size (approximately), the same subject, I liked them both equally and they were the same price. So, I had Addison pick for me ... you'll have to wait to hear all about it. But you will - I assure you - on another day. Addie informs me she chose the one with the green cover because she likes green.

So there you have it ... from an-almost-four-year-old ... go for the green book "ecause I like that colour better than brown."

One thing that does impact on a purchase is the marketing of the book. You know ... where it is located in the store. Is it in a big display as soon as you walk in the door ... like, the Alice in Wonderland things? Is it an Oprah book? Or is it on the bottom shelf, largely unacknowledged? I feel bad for those books because I bet there are lots of great stories that go unnoticed - just because of where they are located on the shelf.

And, imagine if you put your heart and soul into something, for it to end up on the bottom shelf at the book store ... where it would go unnoticed by many. Or, in the Bargain Books ... marked down to $5, practically being given away. Don't get me wrong ... I LOVE the Bargain Books and I buy them all the time, especially the cookbooks. But, I wouldn't want to be a Bargain Book. I can assure you that if I had a book published - a book I had put my whole self into - and I saw it thrown onto the Bargain Books table, I would feel sad. I would want my book up beside the Oprah's Book Club Selection. No ... I would want my book to be the Oprah's Book Club Selection.

Do you think I'm arrogant? Please don't ... it's just that I have learned from Jonesy that you should shoot to be the best. Imagine where you would want to be, and then make it happen. As long as you put your whole self into it. I do not want to be the book on the bottom shelf ... I want to be the Oprah's Book Club Selection.

So, as Addie and I walked around the book store, checking out every single book in the place, I could easily pick out the one's I would like to buy. There is no secret formula, nothing in particular that determines which book I would buy. Just my intuition. And more than that, I could easily pick out the books I would never choose to read. It is unfortunate, really; because I could be missing out on some really good stories because of an initial impression after a quick glance.

And, if you are a book and I pick you up, you have approximately one paragraph to make me want to buy you. Because you always read the first page, don't you? And in those first words, it is determined whether or not a purchase will be made.

But that is a discussion for another day. For now, there is no decision to be made by me. I know the books I will be reading ... and that is that.

But you? You can choose yours ... get going ... go choose a book to read and then tell someone all about it.
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I Hate When This Happens
Author: jill
•12:10 PM
You know, I hate when this happens.

Because I want to seem all scholarly and knowed. Especially on my very own blog. But, again, I find myself a little embarrassed; however, this time I am not embarrassed because I have never heard of the author of my most recent book.

I am embarrassed because I was completely wrong about my most recent book.

I just finished Gilead, by Marilynne Robinson. I was prepared to write about how I just didn't understand what all the excitement was about ... and by excitement, I am referring to the 2005 Pulitzer Prize it was awarded along with the 2004 National Book Critics Circle Award for Fiction, and the 2005 Ambassador Book Award. I just was not getting it ... until the end, when I shed tears and felt embarrassed at my stupidity. And now, I feel a little sad because I will miss Reverend John Ames and his thoughts.

Marilynne Robinson is a teacher at the University of Iowa. She wrote her first novel, Housekeeping, in 1980; Gilead is her second novel, which was published in 2004. I am intrigued to read Housekeeping, and have added it to my list of books to read when my challenge is finished - it looks like something I would really enjoy.

Gilead is a series of letters written by Reverend John Ames, for his son. Ames, who is seventy-six years old, has learned he is dying of heart disease and knows that he does not have much longer to live. And yet, he feels there are some things he wants to impart to his seven-year-old son; lessons on life, so to speak. Now, you may think it odd that a seventy-six-year-old man has a seven-year-old son; however, when my Grampa was born in 1913, his father was seventy-two years old. Could you imagine having an infant in your care at the age of seventy-two? I can barely cart around an almost-four-year-old at the age of almost-fourty-one ...

In the Bible, "Gilead" means hill of testimony or mound of witness, (Genesis 31:21), which describes the very essence of this book. It is a testimony of John Ames and his thoughts and his values. Gilead is also the name of the town in which Ames has resided his entire life and it is very much at the heart of the story.

Although John Ames writes the papers as a way of communicating to his young son, he uses them as makeshift confessional for himself as well. He is able to express the loneliness he experienced after his first wife died ... to reveal, and therefore relieve himself of the anger he feels toward his father ... and to declare his love for his wife and young boy ... to explore his relationship with his namesake, John ("Jack") Ames Boughton, who is his best friend's wayward son.

If you were to write to your children, what would you want them to know about you? And, don't just say that you would want them to know how much you love them and how much they mean to you. Really think about it ... what do you want them to know? Do you have any regrets? Are you really proud of something you accomplished? Did you do something really stupid and you want them to learn from your mistake? Do you have a specific memory that you want them to know about? What were you like as a child? What is the scariest thing you have ever done?

It would be an interesting exercise. As I'm sure you can imagine, even before I read this book, I had thought of doing the same thing. But, maybe this blog could be my notes to my children. Maybe they could learn something about me as a person by reading these entries, instead of just knowing me in my role as a momoholic. I know that it is a difficult step to take because Marnie giggles uncontrollably whenever I mention that I once worked in an office, with my very own desk and computer and fancy telephone, two lines ringing at once. Caiden just stares at me, until finally, he'll say, "You're jokin', right Mom?"

John Ames wants his son to learn lessons like, "... mind what you say. 'Behold how much wood is kindled by how small a fire, and the tongue is a fire' - that's the truth. When my father was old he told me that very thing in a letter he sent me." Ames adds his own thoughts or a memory into the entries, making an example of his own life.

He is funny sometimes, too. He imagines how he will be found when he dies, and he wants to make it dramatic. So, while waltzing around (alone) in his study, he tries to consider which book he should be clutching when he is found dead. Something that will go on to be considered a recommendation for reading since it was found grasped in the hands of the Pastor when he died. John Ames amused me sometimes.

Ames also details his family history and, in doing so, reveals his thoughts on father-son relationships.

This book is written without chapters. You know, I had never read a book without chapters until this challenge, and now I have read three. This story does have many breaks because it is written like entries in a diary, however it is not dated. Some entries are five or six sentences; others are three or four pages long. It is easy to read in bits and pieces, like I am often required to.

I had a very hard time getting "into" this book. In most novels, the reader is introduced to the characters and the setting within the first couple of chapters - you get to know your way around, so to speak. I don't think Ames' son ever gets named, and his wife's name is not revealed until near the end of the book. At the beginning of the story, each entry wraps up the thought ... that is, you do not need to continue to read to find out what happens. I had a very difficult time feeling drawn into the story. I appreciated what Ames had to say, but I was not sure that I cared to continue reading.

You know, when your Grampa tells stories ... stories you have heard before, or stories of "the old days," or useless anecdotes. Well, useless at the time. The beginning of the story was like that for me. Vaguely interesting, but useless at the time; yet really missed once it's gone. Just like my Grampa and his stories.

One of the reasons I may not have cared to continue reading is because it is a very religiously based book. And, I am not a very religious person. In fact, I out-right disagreed with a number of Ames' religiously-based ideas, and sometimes I did not like him. But other times, I really, really loved him ... for the sweet person that he was.

Eventually, I did start to care about reading it; you can tell, because I begin to "shush" my children and beg them for "five more minutes" until I have to get (insert anything a child may want/need here - legitimate or otherwise). I read through the last third of the book quickly, slowing my pace as the end neared. Because I did not want the end so near.

I am so thankful that I continued to read. Because, by the last entry, I came to appreciate what a wonderful person John Ames was, and that there were many things that we could all learn from him.

And, I did really cry at the end of the book. It made me sad to think that he had died, and that his son would grow up without his Dad. A really great Dad.

I feel rushed to read. I wish that I didn't ... but I do. So, when I pick up a book, I calculate when I should be finished reading it. To stay on track. On an intellectual level, I know this is wrong ... I am reading to expand my knowledge and open myself up to new things/ideas/people. But, apparently, I am competitive. I would never have called myself competitive, but I guess I am. Because I do not want to have read fewer than one hundred books by December 31st.

Ugh ... I always do this to myself.

I hate when this happens.
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The Woo-Hoo Girl Returns!
Author: jill
•2:06 PM
It is quiet once again at my house ... listen ... can you hear it? That 's right ... just the hum of the dryer and one Mommy sipping her latte. All school-aged Jones children have return to their classrooms after their  one-week March Break.

There is just one left ... one little princess, playing quietly ... not whining or crying or screaming at her brother/sister because her feelings have been hurt. Addison is often left out. Even though there is approximately two years between each child, Caiden and Marnie are only one year separated in school - because of the way their birthdays fall. Which makes them superior to little Addie in some way, apparently. They are learned in the ways of school, and she is just a baby. Or, that is what they try to tell her anyway.

But now (today), Addison has all the toys to herself ... and the television ... and the computer ... and the markers ... and the Mommy. So, really, who has the last laugh? Caiden or Marnie ... I think not.

Oh ... it is so hard having all three here for the whole day. It is overwhelming and very difficult. And, you know, I am ashamed to admit that ... I mean, they are my own children. The very children I dreamed of having. So, shouldn't I be able to handle them - all by myself? It is trying to take all three of them out ... in the world. I have done it ... I can do it. But it's not always pretty.

I think part of the issue is that they are not all interested in the same things anymore. There was a time, when Addie was just small I guess, that all three of them were interested in the same things - running through the sprinkler on a hot summer day, The Incredibles, colouring, baking with Mommy. But things have changed ... for instance, I was looking at the movie listings this past week, and I could not find one movie that I thought all three of them would like. Marnie is easiest because she would go see any movie, any time - princesses, racing cars, adventures, mysteries, whatever. As long as she gets a bucket of popcorn, she is happy and entertained. But the movies that interest my littlest princess, do not interest Caiden ... my little man. And, similarily, some of the activities that Addison would happily join in on, Caiden would have no interest in. For instance, if I had a momentary lapse in judgment, and allowed my kids in the Playland at McDonalds, Addie would be ecstatic; Caiden would have no interest. However, we all know that momentary lapse in judgment is not going to happen, so this is probably a bad example. But you get the idea, I hope.

My neighbours, who live across the street, have triplets. Two boys and a little princess. They are adorable ... truly ... toddling around nearing their second birthday. And I know that it has been difficult for them ... for the better part of their first year as parents, I think, they had gramas and grampas coming to help with feedings and bathings. But as difficult as it has been, I envy them because those little sweeties are all going through the same thing at the same time. They learned to walk at the same time (roughly), they will learn "pee-pee-on-the-potty" at the same time, they will all love Grover and Cookie Monster at the same time, they will all love Toy Story 3 when it comes out this summer. This is not to say that they are not individuals with their own likes and dislikes; but developmentally, they will all be interested in, and able to do, the same types of things at the same time. In that way, it would be easier for me and my parenting style. But just wait until they all want a car at the same time ... or leave for university at the same time ...

Caiden is an anxious child ... he is nervous going to new places and/or meeting new people, especially new children. He does not like crowds. He is interested in learning new things and experiencing new things ... but not if there are other people around or it is crowded. And not if it involves being away from the house for an extended period of time. Finding an activity that the family can do together is challenging. My sweet boy is very high maintenance, and can take all of my efforts. And all of my energy. When he and I go out together (just the two of us) and he has all my attention, he is usually fabulous ... well-behaved, polite, appropriately shy but well-spoken when spoken to, and I would even use the word, mature - as long as it is not an all-day shopping trip. Wait ... who am I kidding? I think the last time I went on an all-day shopping trip, it was a different century. But, you know what I mean ... he enjoys time at home ... he's a home-body like me. Caiden draws a real sense of security from familiar surroundings.

So, when I complain (as I have been known to do) about what to do with my children and how to entertain them, the answer everyone give me is to just enroll the kids in a camp. If only it were that easy. By the time, I helped Caiden to adjust to the new environment and the new people, the camp would be over. And he would not have enjoyed himself, and I would not have enjoyed myself. Somtimes it is just easier to do the easy thing.

Some day, I will write about the challenges of having an anxious child. It can be devastating at times, heart-breaking, frustrating, trying, and eye-opening. But, you know, I would never want to embarrass Caiden. Or reveal things that may upset him ... or cause him more anxiety. So, for now, just know that when I take my children out ... in the world ... it can be very difficult. 

Addison is almost four years old ... enough said. She is curious but respectful of her distance away from me. However, she does not respect displays of food at the grocery store ... there have been many times when I have been astounded that whole displays of apples have not come tumbling down. She is also terrible in parking lots ... she runs around the same as she does in our backyard - all willie-nillie.

The three of them in a parking lot is enough to send me running for a large bottle tranquilizers.

And, Addison will put anything in her mouth. She's not afraid. Once, when she was about two-and-a-half years old, she found Smarties on the floor at Toys R Us and, yes, she ate them ... I know, I'm reaching for the anti-bacterial mouthwash as I type. While Marnie giggled, Caiden and I almost had a nervous breakdown. Now, you are probably asking yourself why a two-and-a-half-year-old was not sitting in the shopping cart? Because good mommies would ensure that their toddler was safe in the shopping cart, so that little episodes like the one I just mentioned, do not happen. That is a great point, however, Addie C. did not see things that way at the time. And letting her run off some energy while walking through the store, seemed like a good idea at that moment. I mean, what could happen? It's Toys R Us ... they expect kids to get into trouble, right? True, but apparently, these same kids can also eat someone else's Smarties off the floor.

So, between Caiden feeling out of sorts in a strange place, and Addie C. running around like a four-year-old does, eating someone else's Smarties off the floor, I hope you can appreciate why it is difficult for me to take them out. And, I hope you also appreciate my guilt over not doing more things with the three of them.
 March Break 2010 was a long week. Jonesy took a couple of days off, and we tried to do some things with them ... went to a Maple Syrup farm, had supper at Nana and Grampa's house, Marnie slept over at Nana's house, too; Marnie and I went to my cousin's curling match; we went out to eat a couple of times - in a restaurant. But it is difficult with the three of them ... when we visited a local favourite for supper, Caiden used the (single) handicapped restroom - but left the door wide open so all the patrons could watch him take care of his business, if they so choose. He had no idea because his back was to the door. Welcome to a trip to a restaurant with the Jones.

You know, it feels good to write all this down and admit to my feelings of inadequacy. I tell myself that it will get easier as they get older; and I believe that is true. And, I know there will be new challenges right around the corner ... like referree-ing battles over shoes and belts, and juggling everyone else's social calendar.

So, for today, I will just continue to enjoy the quiet and the hot latte. Woo-hoo!!
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