The Only Thing I Want to Kindle Is A Fire
Author: jill
•6:34 PM
Maybe you have heard of them ... the new eReaders? Perhaps you are an avid reader who always keeps up-to-date on new things in the publishing industry. Or maybe you are technically inclined and enjoy all things digital ... televisions, i-Pods, computers.

But books? Really? Digital books. Hmmmmm.

The eReader is sort of like a very small laptop onto which you can download books. Every major electronic company has one ... Apple has the i-Pad, Sony has their version, Indigo has the Kobo and Amazon has the Kindle. You can download books from the comfort of your own home, in your jammies. You don't even have to get up from your favourite chair. And it is light and very thin, so it is very conducive to travel.

But, isn't a book easy to travel with?

Don't get me wrong ... it looks super cool. And, I am not saying that I would not give it a try, however - and I have a feeling I am in the minority when I say this - I love a good, old-fashioned book, with pages and stuff.

I love the feel of the pages in my fingers ... turning them as I read, flipping through them, occasionally using them as a fan when it is hot. And, don't tell anyone, but sometimes I flip ahead in the pages just to find out what is coming up next. I love the different sizes of the pages. Books come in different sizes and sometimes, I am drawn to a book just because of its size. Like, a big thick cookbook speaks to me in every time. And sometimes, the publisher will put the book together with smooth edges or with those rippled edges - makes it seem really old-fashioned to me. All the edges are the same on the eReader ... wait, there are no edges. It's a computer.

And, what about the cover design? Sometimes it is raised or glittery, and I like to feel it. I cannot feel the cover of a book on a computer. In fact, I probably shouldn't even put my fingers on the screen.

I have written about this before ... I love to walk around the bookstore. Looking and touching the books. And then, when I get my new book home, I love to curl up with it and start the adventure. Can you still curl up with a hard, cold eReader? I think not.

What happens if your battery runs out, just as you are about to find out who did it? Or, if they end up together? Or if it is a boy or a girl? Or that he really is a vampire? That would never happen with an old-fashioned book. And, if you drop your book, you don't have to worry about it breaking. Nope, a book ... hard- or soft-covered ... would never break.

So, for now, I'm sticking with my book ... the old-fashioned kind. With a raised design on the cover and real pages to turn. Because I like to curl up with a book and hear that crackle as the glue pops when I open it real wide. And I like to smell the fresh ink in a new book. And when I am really in love, I like to hug it and keep it where I can see it.

So, I guess, for now the only thing I want to kindle is a fire.
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The Solitude of Reading
Author: jill
•10:21 PM
Please ... do not tell my husband, but I have been a having an affair these last few days. And, to make things even worse, I don't want it to end.

There is a sure way to know whether I love a book or not. Take a look around my house and try to find me ... if you can. Am I in the corner of the kitchen, over by the refrigerator, hiding a little? Then you know I am engrossed. Am I stirring some concoction on the stove while reading? Are there piles of dirty clothes sitting in laundry baskets generally being ignored? What about the lunch plates - are they still on the table? Then I am in love with what I am reading.

I have just finished a love affair with The Solitude of Prime Numbers by Paolo Giordano. Honestly, run to your nearest bookstore and buy this story. My Mom has already asked to borrow my copy, but I don't know if I can part with it ... sometimes, I like to keep my true loves nearby at all times. Yes, I am aware that this is weird.

The Solitude of Prime Numbers is a study of people, so the plot line takes a back seat. Which I LOVE. But that is not to say that there is no action or story at all, however it is not what will draw you in. Oh ... and, it's not a feel good, happy ending sort of story, either. Sounds great, doesn't it? Oh, but it is. Perhaps I am drawn to it for my own personal reasons ... but I'll tell you about that soon enough.

The Solitude of Prime Numbers tells the story of two people, both feeling like they are on the outside (of life), looking in. One who is desperate to make a connection with someone else, and the other who is desperate to avoid emotional connections of any kind ... "he rejecting the world, and she feeling rejected by it ..."

When Alice was eight years old, she injured her leg in a skiing accident and is left to face life with one crippled leg. She is unhappy, and desperate to fit in. She wants to be one of the cool kids as a teenager, and she will do anything to be accepted. You'll see what I mean, when you read the book ... because I know you will. She fights for control over her life by controlling her body. Food and body image become central in Alice's life as she searches for her true self.

The novel begins when Mattia is an eight year old boy and he has a special gift for numbers ... are you beginning to see why this book speaks to me? He is brilliant, and his twin sister is not. In fact, she is mentally disabled, and Mattia finds her embarrassing - a normal feeling for an eight-year-old child. And so, when the twins are invited to a birthday party, Mattia leaves his sister playing in a park while he sneaks off to the party, with the intent of picking her up on his way home. But of course, she goes missing, presumed drowned in the nearby river, and Mattia can never forgive himself. And so he punishes himself by never allowing himself the privilege of companionship.

When Mattia and Alice meet as teenagers, they recognize in each other that common thread ... a damaged soul that seems destined to be alone. A friendship develops and yet, it is difficult to know whether they really help each other in any way.

Alice is desperate to make that connection, however, it seems that people are repelled by her, perhaps because of her physical deformity. But maybe they are not repelled at all; maybe Alice just assumes they are sickened by her appearance because she is. In any case, Alice has a difficult time forming any real relationships. On the other hand, it seems to me that people are naturally drawn to Mattia, and it is a conscious decision by him to push them away. He cannot afford to make any sort of emotional commitment.

"He removed from his desk everything that might distract his gaze, so as to feel truly alone with the page."

Although equally pathetic in their own ways, my heart belongs to Mattia ... and I know I could save him from a life of loneliness. Sometimes my own shit gets in the way, but I always want to help if I think someone is in trouble. I just want to give Mattia a big hug and tell him that it will be okay; and that his sister's death was not his fault. I want to protect him from the hurt he is feeling; and so I am left with this yearning to go and find Mattia; to make him feel better. But, he's not real, right? And so the only thing I can do for real is sit here and brood ... or pick up the next book, I guess. But I'm not ready to say goodbye to him just yet.

The parents in this story appear to be absent. Mattia's mother never seems to recover from the loss of her daughter, and in a very subtle way, it is indicated that she blames Mattia. Although perhaps it is just an assumption made by Mattia. Alice's father withdraws from her because she is no longer able to pursue his dream of becoming an accomplished skiier. And, he feels responsible for her injury. In either case, the children feel unsupported by their parents ... there is no emotional connection between them. Shouldn't you always feel accepted by your parents? No matter what? When everything is crumbling down around you, you should always be able to turn to your parent ... in my opinion, anyway.

Do you even know what a prime number is? Let me take you back to highschool math and remind you ... it is a number that is divisible only by one and itself.

“They are suspicious, solitary numbers, which is why Mattia thought they were wonderful … Mattia had learned that, among prime numbers there are some that are even more special. Mathematicians call them twin primes: pairs of prime numbers that are close to each other … but between them there is always an even number that prevents them from touching … Mattia thought that he and Alice were like that, twin primes, alone and lost, close but not close enough to really touch each other. He had never told her that.”

Maybe, if the even number that separates the twin primes became a common interest, the two could really connect. In some way. Perhaps not the way you want them to, but in some way.

Mattia uses math as an escape from feeling and as a way to shape his world. When given a phone number he immediately makes a mental note that all the numbers are odd numbers; when in an uncomfortable situation he distracts himself from the reality of what is happening by calculating the angle of two things or the volume of the room; while driving to school as a teenager, he estimates distance by counting rooftops. This fascinates me because his brain works so much like my Caiden's does.
 
In some respects, Caiden and Mattia were not alike at all, because Caiden actively seeks out emotional friendships. And it is important to him that you are "happy at him," as he would say when he was younger. However, when it comes to numbers, I think their brains are very succinct. From a very early age, Caiden broke things down into a number ... what time, how big, how long, how many, the most, the age. Numbers are the way in which he understands and reconciles the world. And it seems a little odd to people sometimes, but I find it fascinating.
 
But it is a burden to be smart. It is not easy ... for so many reasons. Mattia says it best ...
 
"Mattia thought there was nothing good about having his mind. That he would happily have unscrewed it and replaced it with a different one ... provided it was empty and light. He opened his mouth to reply that feeling special is the worst kind of cage that a person can build for himself, but he didn't say anything."
 
When Caiden was about three years old, he could count. In fact, he counted all the time, and even now, sometimes when he is trying to calm down or centre his thoughts, I will find pieces of paper with numbers beginning at one and carrying on until he feels the need to move on to the next thing. When Caiden was three years old, he could count in increments of any number ... he counted by 2's and 4's and 9's and 16's and 23's. Any number. It was incredible to hear this little tiny voice rhyme off numbers in sequential orders. And we would encourage him to count for our friends ... because we were amazed. And the more we did so, the more people wanted to hear him ... as he stood with his little calculator and that smile, it was difficult to resist him. But he learned very quickly that he was different ... because his mother insisted that he count for people. Eventually, he refused to do it, and I am certain it was because it made him feel bad inside ... because he understood he was different. It is a mistake I made as a parent; one that I deeply regret and wish I could change. And sometimes I wonder if the reason he hides his intelligence now is because he never wants to feel like that again ... feel different, like an outsider.
 
And so, I am drawn to Mattia and his story of self-discovery. And I wish that I could teach him a set of rules that would make everything okay for him. Because that is how his brain works ... in sequence. This I know from experience.
 
The Solitude of Prime Numbers was a memorable read for me. But it doesn't have to be a solitary experience ... read it and then let me know what you think ... because I am pretty sure I will still be thinking about my Mattia and Alice for a long time to come.
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Active Culture
Author: jill
•10:31 AM
I have written about this before ... I am very suggestible. That is, just mention something that you like and it will fester in my brain until I must have it, too. Especially, if it is related to food. But it was never worse than when I was pregnant. Oh boy ... someone would mention the disgusting scalloped potatoes they had at a dinner party and three days later there would be a flurry of activity in my kitchen until the perfect creamy rich scalloped potatoes were served. See? Just writing that makes me want to get into the kitchen. It's a problem.

So, during the Olympics, I was reading Lainey's blog. She is a gossip and she is funny and bitchy and I wish I was her friend for real. Check her out some time, if you like to laugh at celebrities. Anyhow, Lainey was involved in CTV's Olympic Coverage; and as such, she had a very demanding schedule. She signed up for the Five Factor Diet; and wrote about  Yogurt Parfaits for breakfast. I had never had a Yogurt Parfait before, and I wasn't even sure what it was. But, suddenly I knew I had to have one.

It was about the same time that I discovered the awesome granola that I cannot live without. So, I decided to marry the two. Yogurt Parfaits with Granola Crunch. To be honest, Lainey's Parfaits might have had the granola, too. I just don't know, and I do not care. I just knew that I had to have a Yogurt Parfait with Granola Crunch and I had to have it now.

So, I started buying the plain (unsweetened) yogurt, topping it with some (pure fruit) raspberry sauce that I made and the granola. Maybe a little honey drizzled over the top. It was so good, I started eating it twice a day. I became very ... ummmm ... regular. Isn't that what old people say? I felt great and that is the important part. Why aren't more people eating these?

But as with most things, I had to take it a step further. What if I made my own yogurt? I could use organic milk and it would be fresh. Plus - and this would be a real selling point to Jonesy - I bet it would save money. So, I did some reading and decided that, although not required, a Yogurt Maker would be the easiest way to do it. Because it is all about temperature and temperature control. And if you are going to make your own yogurt, you should do it the easy way.

Now, just to find a Yogurt Maker.

Actually, it did not take me long to find one at (my favourite "cooking" store) Williams Food Equipment. Do you know what their slogan is? The Candy Store for Cooks - enough said.  Jonesy had a very concerned look on his face as I walked out the door that day. Because it is really difficult to come home with just that one thing you went there to buy. What am I saying ... it is difficult for me to go to any store and come home with just the one thing I intended to buy. But this is different ... because I could drop a lot of cash in a very short time at a place like Williams Food Equipment. And so, the worried look on Jonesy's face was probably a little warranted. But off Addison and I went, in search of a yogurt maker ... you know, to save us money.

I bought a WaringPro Yogurt Maker ... it is so easy and straight-forward. Honestly, the worst part was that I had a bunch of big bowls and a large pot to wash by hand when I was finished. And the waiting ... the waiting was hard. Because I was sure it wouldn't set and you are not allowed to move "the Maker" once the process begins. So I didn't ... and, guess what? It is fabulous ... to eat and to bake with. And I even made some yogurt cheese (similar to cream cheese) - I can envision lots of ways to use this in the future, especially with summer almost upon us. Couldn't love this new purchase any more than I do because it fills me with lots of great ideas.

Plus, after an afternoon with a calculator, I was able to confirm with Jonesy, that making my own yogurt is definitely more cost effective than buying it. I can make about 2 1/2 times the yogurt for the same price as the container I purchase at the store. Does that make sense? I buy a 750ml container of organic yogurt for about $6; for that same price, I can make 2L. And it is fresh, easily produced in my own kitchen.

The only thing is ... you are suppose to save some yogurt to act as a starter for the next batch of yogurt. And I didn't. So, now I will have to go back to Williams to get the special Yogurt Culture starter.

Oh, well ... I guess I'll have to go back. I can't just leave my brand new yogurt maker sitting around, not making yogurt. So, yes, I will definitely have to go back. Jonesy has that worried look again ...

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Wordless Wednesday: April is National Frog Month
Author: jill
•7:19 AM




Crochet Frogs from tammypowley.com








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Just What I Needed
Author: jill
•9:35 AM
"You'd gladly sleep through the intervening years and wake up when this part is over."

Have you ever felt like that? I have. A couple of times. One time in particular. As I have mentioned, Caiden was born nine weeks premature. He was perfect in every way ... he just needed to continue to grow. And even though I cried (a lot) and worried (a lot), I always knew that everything would be fine. That he would be fine. I strongly believed that ... there were no other options. I can recall telling the Neonatologist ... "I just want this part to be over." He would give me a strange look, trying to figure out what I meant. I was willing it to be six weeks later, and for the hard part to be done. Of course, I had no idea that the worries involved in parenting had only just begun. But that is all part of being a first-time parent, isn't it? Oh, to be that naive and inexperienced again ...

Bright Lights Big City by Jay McInerney is just what I needed. It is a great book, and reminded me why I love to read. I guess I was feeling more bogged down than I realized. It is a quick read, but full of emotion and absolutely great characters. Awesome, real characters. The story centres around a twenty-four-year-old urbanite, whose wife left him a few months back and his life is spinning out of control due to cocaine and alcohol; but also because he is just feeling lost. He doesn't want to live the way he is; he's looking for a way out. But sometimes, you have to travel to places you never imagined you would be, in order to become the person you want to be.

It is written in a really unique style ... like the narrator is telling the story, of himself, to himself. Maybe his way of stepping outside his own life and observing what he sees, while still understanding the motivation behind the behaviour.

The quote at the beginning of the post is taken from the book. It sort of sums up the story ... the narrator just wants this part to be over. He seems to know that things will not always be like they are now, and that he must go through this part of his life to get where he is suppose to end up. But he is just waiting for it to be over. Do you think everyone can do that? Be objective about their own self? I don't think so. I think that is why addiction continues, depression continues ... the person cannot see past the pain they are in right now. And it becomes overwhelming.

And at the end of the story we learn the source of the narrator's pain ... stop reading if you don't want to know. I have written about this so many times, it is becoming redundant. He becomes troubled after the death of his mother, which happened exactly one year ago. He misses her, and he wants the love and friendship she gave to him.

It is difficult to lose a parent. But, we all have to do it, right? It's the cycle of life. Because the alternative - a parent outliving their child - is so much more tragic. Trust me on this. When Caiden was a little younger, he was VERY concerned about death ... especially mine. And so, he and I have talked about this many times.

"I don't think I could live without you, Mommy," he told me at bedtime one night, with such genuine emotion I thought my heart would melt right there.

"But it's as natural to die, as it is to be born," I explained. "And someday, when you are all grown up, with a family of your own, I will die. And, you'll keep me alive by remembering me and all the fun things we did together." He takes in what I have told him ... so serious, my Caiden is.

"Like how you bake us really yummy desserts and you do the laundry?" Back to reality.

"Well, hopefully, we have done things that are more fun than laundry ... like the day we went to the Maple Syrup farm, or when you kicked my butt at Mario Kart ... wait, that happens every day."

He giggled, and pulled the covers up around his face, telling me he loves me and that he would see me in the morning.

And so, if I die today, I will be remembered as the lady who could bake a mean chocolate chip cookie and push through eight loads of laundry in a day if I have to.

Maybe I should make some kind of effort to change that ... but then again, I know that it will not always be like this. Once again, there will be more to my life than trying to keep clean clothes in the house and creating fun desserts. In the meantime, I will try to appreciate my life for what it is. Afterall, it is everything I always wanted. So, I don't want to sleep through it ... I want to embrace this time with every part of me.

Bright Lights Big City was written in 1984 ... but it is still current and can teach you something while keeping you well entertained. Pick it up sometime ...
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Speed Baking with Addie C. Jones
Author: jill
•1:17 PM
Sometimes knowledge and skills in the culinary field come in handy at the strangest times. Like, in the shower.

The other day, I was taking a shower and Addie C. Jones was waiting her turn. She is not a child who likes to sit idly, nor is she particularly patient. She gets the impatient part from her Dad ... at least that's the story I'm going with. So, Addie C.  decided to do some cooking and baking from her make-shift kitchen - you might know it as a Jacuzzi tub. Both my girls have enjoyed using my Jacuzzi tub as a play centre ... sometimes they pretend they have a store, other times it is a kitchen, still other times it is a school.

Today it will be a kitchen, culinary home to Addie C. Jones, chef extraordinnaire.

"Mommy, how do you make apple pie? You tell me the gredients and the structions, okay?" Addie C. says as I am stepping in the shower. I agree, telling myself it would be an easy way to ensure I knew where she was.

"First, you must make the pie dough," I begin. "Mix together some flour and some vegetable shortening with a very small amount of water."

"Mix, mix, mix," she sings. "Okay, I'm done. Now, can I roll it?"

"Yes, that's right," I tell her, feeling a little excited that she has taken notice of what happens in the kitchen. I cannot help myself ... I peeked around the shower curtain. She has pulled down the rod used to open and close the window blinds, and she is using it as a rolling pin on her imaginary dough. I smile, and appreciate her resourcefulness as well as the fact that the dough is, in fact, imaginary.

"Now what?" Addie C. wants to know.

"Well, you need to peel and chop some apples," I instruct her.

"Peel, peel, peel. Chop, chop, chop," she sings. "Choppin's done. Now what is next."

"Mix in some sugar, a little flour, and some cinnamon."

"What was the last thing, Mommy?" she asks. "I couldn't hear you."

"Cinnamon."

"Oh, yes. I do love cin-min, don't I?" she comments. "Would you call me a cin-min girl?"

"Yes, you are definitely a cinnamon girl."

"Now, what do I do?" she asks.

"Pour the apple mixture into the pie dough. You put the pie dough into a baking pan, right?" I ask.

"A course," she replies. I hate getting attitude from four-year-olds. "Now, can I put it in the oben?"

"Yes, into the oven for about one hour," I explain, thinking that all bathroom cooking had come to an end.

"Ding!" Addie C. announces in her best oven-timer voice. "The pie is all ready. Can we make something else now?"

"Sure, what would like to make?" I ask, considering there was still lots of time until her turn in the shower. Who knew a whole pie could be prepared and baked in approximately one minute thirty seconds?

"How about ... soup!" she says.

"Excellent, because I love soup," I tell her. "What kind should we make?"

"Ummmmm ..." she thinks out loud. "I think tomato, celery and lemon."

For a brief moment, I felt like I was on the Food Network show, Chopped, where the chef contestants are given three or four "gredients" that do not easily go together and they must concoct a meal ... an appetizer, a main, and a dessert. They are given things like salmon filets, oatmeal, dill pickles and strawberries ... okay, now make a yummy main course dish.

I've got tomatoes, celery and lemons to work with. Not bad, but since she's got the method down, perhaps it is time to work a little on how foods compliment one another. There is always tomorrow's shower ...
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Sunday Dinner
Author: jill
•7:29 AM
Is Sunday dinner about the act of sitting down together or the food that you eat?

When I was a kid, my Mom cooked a roast of something every Sunday. Without exception. Roast beef, roast chicken, roast pork ... take your pick. Sunday dinner always included mashed potatoes and gravy, vegetables du jour, maybe a salad and a dessert. In the autumn, it was scheduled around the NFL and in the spring, it was scheduled around the PGA. But we always had a Sunday dinner.

The guests varied. Sometimes it was just us - my parents and my brother and I. Other times, my grandparents would join us. As time went on, Jonesy was included too.

I am fairly certain that if I unexpectedly stopped by my Mom's house on any given Sunday, there would be a roast of something in the oven.

I am not all about the roast of something Sunday dinner ... but I do try to make a Sunday dinner that takes some extra effort. Because Sunday is also my laundry day. So, in between loads of clothes, I try to get a little creative.

Recently, I made a chocolate fondue for dessert for my kids. They loved it! It is easy to make ... melt some chocolate (semi-sweet or bittersweet) with a small amount of whipping cream. A rich, creamy chocolatey dip results.

Along with the chocolate, I served cubes of pound cake, a variety of dried fruit, fresh fruit and some crunchy cookies. You might think that it was all about the cake and the chocolate for the kids. Nope, they chose all different things from the plate and dipped it all in the chocolate. Raisins dipped in fresh chocolate fondue are out of this world. Caiden reports that he enjoyed the bananas dipped in chocolate best ... hard to argue with that.

Recent reports in the media  say that eating chocolate can be part of a healthy diet. So, the way I see it, mixing some fresh or dried fruit with chocolate fondue cannot be bad for you. The other thing to consider is that everyone lingers around the table together for a little longer. Sharing their favourite combinations, or what not to try ... Just sharing time together.

Try it sometime ... I guarantee your family will like it.
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