•10:40 PM
The other night I awoke from a dream laughing and felt extremely happy. Like, over-the-top elated with happiness. I did not feel stress or worry or pressure to get something done. It was like I was in a bubble and couldn't hear anything from the outside world. I felt carefree and without concern for anything. It was freeing, this sense of happiness.
I haven't felt that kind of unburdened joy in quite some time.
This is not to say that I am in a deep depression and walking around in a constant state of gloominess. But I am saying that I always have something on my mind and something I need to get done ... what to make for school lunches, a book to read, a temper tantrum to resolve, a snack to prepare, an errand to run. I am saying that I am a Mom responsible for three young children. I am happy, but I am not carefree. In fact, I'm not sure that I have ever been carefree ... it's sort of how my brain operates.
Are you happy with your life? Are you doing what you want to do with it? Are you spending your time in a way that makes you feel good (inside)? Do you do things with a sense of purpose, or do you do them because you feel like you should?
Recently I read No Impact Man by Colin Beavan, and wrote about his project to live for one year without having any impact on the environment. Click here, if you want a refresher.
One of things that Beavan discovers (quite unexpectedly, I might add) while living an impact-free life are the things that really make him happy. He learns about what things he truly enjoys doing. He begins by recounting a typical day ... he rushes around in the morning to get his daughter to her babysitter; then he rushes off to work; he works through his day, often spending ten hours at his craft, and sometimes becoming impatient for the work day to end; and then he rushes to get his daughter from the babysitter; on his way home he picks up the take-out du jour for supper and then continues home to get his little princess fed, bathed and tucked in for the night. He and his wife then share a night in front of the television and their laptops simultaneously until they are finally ready to go to sleep. And then they get up the next morning to start all over again.
Sound familiar?
But while working on the No Impact Project, he took the time to consider whether he felt happy about how he was living his life. Not just with regard to the environment, but with respect to how he spent his time. Why did he work for ten hours a day, when seven or eight was enough? Why didn't he take his little girl to the park more often? He tries to answer his own questions by suggesting that people work long hours so that they can buy stuff or do stuff or pay off stuff. Because the more stuff you buy or the more fabulous (and by fabulous, I mean expensive) the vacation, the happier you feel, right?
Psychologists refer to this phenomenon as the hedonic treadmill. When you buy something, it gives you a burst of pleasure. It makes you feel good, this thing you have purchased. Likely, you are excited because it is something that interests you or will make your life easier in some way. I feel this way after buying a book ... before I am even finished reading the book I bought, the thrill wears off and I am looking for the next one.
Beavan considers (in a very clever and unassuming way) whether he is spending his free time in a way that makes him feel fulfilled. Does rushing around until you literally drop on the couch each evening make him feel fulfilled? Does it make you? Could you be happy with the things you have currently, without having to travel around town all the time, picking "stuff" up or dropping "stuff" off? Do you ever do things because you think you should, or to keep up with your neighbours or your co-workers or your friends? Do these things that you feel obligated to do make you feel happy inside? Are they necessary for existence? For instance, is it really necessary to have really super green grass? Or, the biggest television money can buy? Or, a new car every three years?
That is a lot of questions to ask yourself. And you might not like the answers, if you are honest with yourself.
For me, it is the reasoning behind the decision. If you really enjoy gardening and take pride in your yard/landscaping/garden, then ... yes, it is necessary for you to have super green grass. Because it fills you with a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, and you enjoy working on it. But should you feel obligated to make your grass as green as your neighbour's? Or your Dad's? Or your friend's?
And, if you feel the need to run out and buy a pair of very expensive shoes because a colleague at work bought a pair, then I question your motives. Unless shoes are your sole reason for existing.
Beavan recalls rushing to get to the park, so his daughter could start to have fun. He was almost pushing her along the sidewalk and became frustrated when she stopped to play with a chain hanging off a fire hydrant. But it was then that he realized his daughter was already having fun.Because, sometimes, it is the walk to the park that is the fun part.
Could it be that the real excitement we all crave is in the journey along the pathway of life? Not in the destination?
Why can't we enjoy the here and now? I realize that we all have to earn a paycheque in order to survive, but we don't have to make earning money the centre of our world. We don't have to rush through life, trying to get more; instead, we could just enjoy ourselves. Why did I have to challenge myself to read one hundred books? Why couldn't I just enjoy them at whatever was a comfortable pace? I'll tell you why ... because I was looking for the burst of excitement that comes from accomplishing something other than seven loads of laundry all in one day.
The thing is ... psychologists have learned that the happiest people are those who do not live on the hedonic treadmill. They enjoy what is happening in their lives now. They do not live for tomorrow. And they do not buy things to make themselves feel good about what themselves. They do not feel obligated to do things ... they do them because they want to.
It is hard to be different from others though. I think it is a natural instinct (for most people) to want to be liked; to want to fit in with everyone else. Probably because it is easier; but also because when you buy a new patio set and your friends all tell you how much they like it, you probably mistake that for them really liking you, too. And it makes you feel good. So sometimes it is difficult to do what is right for you when it makes you stand out from everyone else. For instance, what if you didn't want to have a patio set in your backyard, like all your friends? Instead, you decided scatter lawnchairs around your yard and to refurbish an (old-fashioned) picnic table for those nights its not too hot to eat outside. Would you feel self-conscious because it is different from all your friends' backyards?
I believe that it is much easier when you do something because you strongly believe in it, rather than because you are forced to. Perhaps it makes you feel good to refurbish something, instead of buying something new because it has become important for you to re-use and re-cycle. Beavan had a self-realization every time he found a way to get what he wanted without having to buy something new ... like his refurbished bike. However, you may not have the same feeling if the reason you did not purchase the new patio set that you love so much was because you were unable to afford to.
Am I making any sense? I feel like this is a mix-up of the many thoughts spewing out of my brain.
When I was an infant, I had an infection in my shoulder. The infection caused damage to the bone and the way that it would develop. I was lucky that the infection set in my shoulder instead of my hip ... but I do not feel lucky because it makes my body different from yours. One of my arms is more than four inches shorter than the other, and the range of motion is restricted. Sometimes it is not noticeable at all; other times, I'm sure it is all people can see - depends on what I am wearing and doing. Jonesy has always said that it is part of who I am and I should embrace it but I would do anything to make it go away because it makes me different from you. Of course, it is much easier to deal with now, as an adult, but there were some very upsetting times when I was growing up. I have been forced (by Mother Nature or Fate or some other natural force) to deal with an arm that makes me different (for my whole life) ... but I don't believe in it. I don't want to do it.
However, I do strongly believe that the state of our food supply and its production is atrocious and I would talk about it until I was blue in the face if I thought I could make a difference. I don't mind telling you that I am willing to pay a little more for a food item if it is organic or local or nutritionally sound ... even if it means I buy a little less. I don't mind telling you that giving my children carbonated drinks or KoolAid is unthinkable. I look forward to picking blueberries with my kids in the summer ... because it is fun and because I gain some satisfaction in harvesting the food we are going to eat. I don't mind telling you that I make the majority of our food from scratch ... please note that I am not telling you that I always enjoy doing it, but just that I do it. And I don't mind telling you these things because I feel very strongly about them and I don't care if that makes me different from other people. It is important to me. However, I have been questioned about my strong ideas with regard to my food choices and talked about behind my back ... because I do not choose to give my children sugary drinks and prefer organic, locally grown food if I can find it. But I don't care.
As Beavan takes away all the modern conveniences and technology, he begins to realize what is important to him. For the first time in his life, he actually prepares food for their meals ... and he enjoys doing it. He learns that television is really not all that important. He learns about really doing things with his time, and the art of conversation ... with people instead of keyboard. He wrote, "Four weeks after the project began, we weren't just changing the way we lived; changing the way we lived was changing us."
So, I ask you ... are you enjoying the here and now? Are you making the most of your free time? Are you doing what is right for you, even if it makes you a little different from your friends?
It is in this spirit of relishing the journey along the pathway of life that I share some exciting news ... I am returning to University of Windsor to study Creative Writing and Literature, working toward a Masters Degree. I have found a real love for writing, and I want to learn more about it. I want to study the great writers and I want to learn more techniques. I want to broaden my knowledge and investigate whether I could actually earn some $money$ as a writer. As is usually the case with me, I feel like education is the place to start ... the publishing industry, the art of writing, the History of Language. Yes, that is the actual name of a course I will be taking. Okay, maybe I'm a little more interesting in Creative Writing I, but I will endure learning the History of Language if it will get me where I need to be. And who knows, maybe I will enjoy learning the history of language. After all, I do love words.
And so where does this new turn of events leave my challenge? Let's be honest, I was probably not going to read one hundred books in one year. However, I will continue to read over the summer, and blog as I go. But the pace is sure to slow because my kids want me to conduct a summer school of sorts ... more about that on another day.
And, I'm hoping to be able to find the time for my blog while I learn more about Creative Writing ... a professor has already warned me that two of my four courses are very "writing" heavy, but I'm sure I'll have time for a few Addie C. stories at least. After all, she starts school in September, too. And wherever Addie C. goes, a story is sure to follow.
So, don't give up on me if I have not written for a few days. I love this too much to walk away from it.
I haven't felt that kind of unburdened joy in quite some time.
This is not to say that I am in a deep depression and walking around in a constant state of gloominess. But I am saying that I always have something on my mind and something I need to get done ... what to make for school lunches, a book to read, a temper tantrum to resolve, a snack to prepare, an errand to run. I am saying that I am a Mom responsible for three young children. I am happy, but I am not carefree. In fact, I'm not sure that I have ever been carefree ... it's sort of how my brain operates.
Are you happy with your life? Are you doing what you want to do with it? Are you spending your time in a way that makes you feel good (inside)? Do you do things with a sense of purpose, or do you do them because you feel like you should?
Recently I read No Impact Man by Colin Beavan, and wrote about his project to live for one year without having any impact on the environment. Click here, if you want a refresher.
One of things that Beavan discovers (quite unexpectedly, I might add) while living an impact-free life are the things that really make him happy. He learns about what things he truly enjoys doing. He begins by recounting a typical day ... he rushes around in the morning to get his daughter to her babysitter; then he rushes off to work; he works through his day, often spending ten hours at his craft, and sometimes becoming impatient for the work day to end; and then he rushes to get his daughter from the babysitter; on his way home he picks up the take-out du jour for supper and then continues home to get his little princess fed, bathed and tucked in for the night. He and his wife then share a night in front of the television and their laptops simultaneously until they are finally ready to go to sleep. And then they get up the next morning to start all over again.
Sound familiar?
But while working on the No Impact Project, he took the time to consider whether he felt happy about how he was living his life. Not just with regard to the environment, but with respect to how he spent his time. Why did he work for ten hours a day, when seven or eight was enough? Why didn't he take his little girl to the park more often? He tries to answer his own questions by suggesting that people work long hours so that they can buy stuff or do stuff or pay off stuff. Because the more stuff you buy or the more fabulous (and by fabulous, I mean expensive) the vacation, the happier you feel, right?
Psychologists refer to this phenomenon as the hedonic treadmill. When you buy something, it gives you a burst of pleasure. It makes you feel good, this thing you have purchased. Likely, you are excited because it is something that interests you or will make your life easier in some way. I feel this way after buying a book ... before I am even finished reading the book I bought, the thrill wears off and I am looking for the next one.
Beavan considers (in a very clever and unassuming way) whether he is spending his free time in a way that makes him feel fulfilled. Does rushing around until you literally drop on the couch each evening make him feel fulfilled? Does it make you? Could you be happy with the things you have currently, without having to travel around town all the time, picking "stuff" up or dropping "stuff" off? Do you ever do things because you think you should, or to keep up with your neighbours or your co-workers or your friends? Do these things that you feel obligated to do make you feel happy inside? Are they necessary for existence? For instance, is it really necessary to have really super green grass? Or, the biggest television money can buy? Or, a new car every three years?
That is a lot of questions to ask yourself. And you might not like the answers, if you are honest with yourself.
For me, it is the reasoning behind the decision. If you really enjoy gardening and take pride in your yard/landscaping/garden, then ... yes, it is necessary for you to have super green grass. Because it fills you with a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, and you enjoy working on it. But should you feel obligated to make your grass as green as your neighbour's? Or your Dad's? Or your friend's?
And, if you feel the need to run out and buy a pair of very expensive shoes because a colleague at work bought a pair, then I question your motives. Unless shoes are your sole reason for existing.
Beavan recalls rushing to get to the park, so his daughter could start to have fun. He was almost pushing her along the sidewalk and became frustrated when she stopped to play with a chain hanging off a fire hydrant. But it was then that he realized his daughter was already having fun.Because, sometimes, it is the walk to the park that is the fun part.
Could it be that the real excitement we all crave is in the journey along the pathway of life? Not in the destination?
Why can't we enjoy the here and now? I realize that we all have to earn a paycheque in order to survive, but we don't have to make earning money the centre of our world. We don't have to rush through life, trying to get more; instead, we could just enjoy ourselves. Why did I have to challenge myself to read one hundred books? Why couldn't I just enjoy them at whatever was a comfortable pace? I'll tell you why ... because I was looking for the burst of excitement that comes from accomplishing something other than seven loads of laundry all in one day.
The thing is ... psychologists have learned that the happiest people are those who do not live on the hedonic treadmill. They enjoy what is happening in their lives now. They do not live for tomorrow. And they do not buy things to make themselves feel good about what themselves. They do not feel obligated to do things ... they do them because they want to.
It is hard to be different from others though. I think it is a natural instinct (for most people) to want to be liked; to want to fit in with everyone else. Probably because it is easier; but also because when you buy a new patio set and your friends all tell you how much they like it, you probably mistake that for them really liking you, too. And it makes you feel good. So sometimes it is difficult to do what is right for you when it makes you stand out from everyone else. For instance, what if you didn't want to have a patio set in your backyard, like all your friends? Instead, you decided scatter lawnchairs around your yard and to refurbish an (old-fashioned) picnic table for those nights its not too hot to eat outside. Would you feel self-conscious because it is different from all your friends' backyards?
I believe that it is much easier when you do something because you strongly believe in it, rather than because you are forced to. Perhaps it makes you feel good to refurbish something, instead of buying something new because it has become important for you to re-use and re-cycle. Beavan had a self-realization every time he found a way to get what he wanted without having to buy something new ... like his refurbished bike. However, you may not have the same feeling if the reason you did not purchase the new patio set that you love so much was because you were unable to afford to.
Am I making any sense? I feel like this is a mix-up of the many thoughts spewing out of my brain.
When I was an infant, I had an infection in my shoulder. The infection caused damage to the bone and the way that it would develop. I was lucky that the infection set in my shoulder instead of my hip ... but I do not feel lucky because it makes my body different from yours. One of my arms is more than four inches shorter than the other, and the range of motion is restricted. Sometimes it is not noticeable at all; other times, I'm sure it is all people can see - depends on what I am wearing and doing. Jonesy has always said that it is part of who I am and I should embrace it but I would do anything to make it go away because it makes me different from you. Of course, it is much easier to deal with now, as an adult, but there were some very upsetting times when I was growing up. I have been forced (by Mother Nature or Fate or some other natural force) to deal with an arm that makes me different (for my whole life) ... but I don't believe in it. I don't want to do it.
However, I do strongly believe that the state of our food supply and its production is atrocious and I would talk about it until I was blue in the face if I thought I could make a difference. I don't mind telling you that I am willing to pay a little more for a food item if it is organic or local or nutritionally sound ... even if it means I buy a little less. I don't mind telling you that giving my children carbonated drinks or KoolAid is unthinkable. I look forward to picking blueberries with my kids in the summer ... because it is fun and because I gain some satisfaction in harvesting the food we are going to eat. I don't mind telling you that I make the majority of our food from scratch ... please note that I am not telling you that I always enjoy doing it, but just that I do it. And I don't mind telling you these things because I feel very strongly about them and I don't care if that makes me different from other people. It is important to me. However, I have been questioned about my strong ideas with regard to my food choices and talked about behind my back ... because I do not choose to give my children sugary drinks and prefer organic, locally grown food if I can find it. But I don't care.
As Beavan takes away all the modern conveniences and technology, he begins to realize what is important to him. For the first time in his life, he actually prepares food for their meals ... and he enjoys doing it. He learns that television is really not all that important. He learns about really doing things with his time, and the art of conversation ... with people instead of keyboard. He wrote, "Four weeks after the project began, we weren't just changing the way we lived; changing the way we lived was changing us."
So, I ask you ... are you enjoying the here and now? Are you making the most of your free time? Are you doing what is right for you, even if it makes you a little different from your friends?
It is in this spirit of relishing the journey along the pathway of life that I share some exciting news ... I am returning to University of Windsor to study Creative Writing and Literature, working toward a Masters Degree. I have found a real love for writing, and I want to learn more about it. I want to study the great writers and I want to learn more techniques. I want to broaden my knowledge and investigate whether I could actually earn some $money$ as a writer. As is usually the case with me, I feel like education is the place to start ... the publishing industry, the art of writing, the History of Language. Yes, that is the actual name of a course I will be taking. Okay, maybe I'm a little more interesting in Creative Writing I, but I will endure learning the History of Language if it will get me where I need to be. And who knows, maybe I will enjoy learning the history of language. After all, I do love words.
And so where does this new turn of events leave my challenge? Let's be honest, I was probably not going to read one hundred books in one year. However, I will continue to read over the summer, and blog as I go. But the pace is sure to slow because my kids want me to conduct a summer school of sorts ... more about that on another day.
And, I'm hoping to be able to find the time for my blog while I learn more about Creative Writing ... a professor has already warned me that two of my four courses are very "writing" heavy, but I'm sure I'll have time for a few Addie C. stories at least. After all, she starts school in September, too. And wherever Addie C. goes, a story is sure to follow.
So, don't give up on me if I have not written for a few days. I love this too much to walk away from it.
