Into the Future
Author: jill
•10:23 AM
Tonight, I had a glimpse. You know, a glimpse of what the future might be like. A glimpse of that feeling a mother gets when her child accomplishes something (really wonderful) all by themselves.

Don't get me wrong, I have experienced it ... but in a limited sort of way. Like, the time Marnie learned a new song school. A song that I did not know ... in French. And, as she sang it to Jonesy and I, we exchanged one of those "how-does-she-know-this?" looks. Or, today, when Caiden explained to me that people who have strokes often suffer from a "droop" on one side of their mouths ...

"Caiden, that is exactly what happens," I said. "How do you know that?" I am expecting him to say that he heard Nana talk about it, or he read about it on Wikipedia.

"I saw it on Family Guy," he explained. Ugh.

Okay, so maybe that was not a moment of parental pride.

But you know what I am talking about ... it's that feeling you get inside when your child does something all by him/herself.

The other night, we had a Big Boy movie night with Caiden while Marnie had a "vacation (from Addie)" at Nana's house. We watched The Karate Kid, starring Jaden Smith. It is so sweet, with a great message. In fact, I am no longer "allowed" to say that Jaden (or the female (adolescent) lead) is adorable; but between you and me, I wanted to hug and kiss them a whole bunch.

Essentially, it is the same story as the original, starring Ralph Macchio and Mr. Miyagi, but different and updated. Dre Parker (Jaden Smith) moves from Detroit, Michigan to China, with his mother. He is out of his element and finds himself being bullied by some local boys. The (apartment) building maintenance man (Jackie Chan) decides to teach Dre about the art of authentic kung fu. Jackie is sweet and patient and emotional ... as he teaches Dre the one thing that he has an appreciation for. Jaden Smith is adorable and cool and so likeable - but remember, I am not allowed to say that!

As he reached (inevitable) success, I could only think that one day, I would be watching as my children did the same. Maybe not in a kung fu tournament (please, not in a kung fu tournament), but success none the less. And the emotion that filled me as I watched this fictional character would only pale in comparison to the emotion I would feel when it is my own child, right?

It is some kind of weird mixture of pride and arrogance and self-satisfaction and separation. Because it is amazing when they learn something that you did not teach them, isn't it? I mean, how could they learn something if I did not teach it to them? I think this is part of my problem ... this strange idea that only I can teach them the things they need to know ...

You're beginning to feel sorry for my kids, aren't you?

I want all these things for my kids ... the independance, the knowledge, the "finding who they are." But I don't want to miss one second of it ... I really don't. I would feel like I was missing out on something absolutely incredible ... I would feel like I was missing out on them.

Maybe because I am looking to learn something about myself at the same time.

But I guess they must find their own way, and I have to find mine.

But what if we go in completely different directions?

This is the fear that I live with ... because then, I will be alone.

So, for now, I am going to enjoy teaching them the things I know because one day soon, they will be teaching me things they know. And, the things they can do.





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A Few Days with a Travelling Circus
Author: jill
•8:03 AM
As I have read over this past year, I have kept notes. Which might seem sort of weird to you, but when you want to write (about anything, really), it is important to remember the feelings that were invoked and what inspired them. Sometimes things I read bring a memory to mind, sometimes it is an opinion and other times it is a key moment in the plot. So, while I am reading, I keep one of those really cute little ecojot mini notebooks nearby ... to jot down key words, thoughts, feelings, memories and any page numbers that I might need for reference.

But sometimes, I am just entertained.

While I read Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen, I did not take one note. Nothing. Maybe it was because I read so quickly ... or maybe it was because I was distracted with images of Rob Pattinson in the lead role for the film adaptation (filming right now!). Whatever the reason, a pencil did not hit my cute little notebook once.

On the front cover of the book, a reviewer noted that Gruen has a voice to rival John Irving. Having just read (my new favourite book) A Prayer for Owen Meany, I almost find this offensive. However, it doesn't mean that Gruen is not a great story teller. She is ... in fact, this is a great summer read. It's uncomplicated, it's quick, and it's unique. But in no way is comparable to John Irving.

The year is 1931 and Jacob Jankowski is one week from writing his final exams in order to become a veternarian, when both his parents are killed in automobile accident. In a moment of confusion and desperation, he jumps on board a train to escape his life ... only to find himself surrounded by the greatest show on earth. That's right, he has inadvertantly jumped aboard the travelling circus, and he finds more than he ever bargained for.

The story moves between a ninety-three-year-old Jacob, who is now living in a nursing home, feeling alone and abandoned by his family; and a twenty-three-year-old Jacob, who is discovering who he is. Whenever I think of a nursing home, and the abandoned old men and ladies that live there, I always think of Gracie ... and I didn't even know her.

My Mom worked on the Geriatric Care floor toward the end of her career as a nurse. And she took care of Gracie. Gracie was probably in her nineties, she had no family that visited, she was blind and very, very hard of hearing. She was not ambulatory, and so her days were spent in her bed re-living her life. A brother with a broken arm after a fall from a silo, her marriage, a baby that was taken away from her, a true love that was unrealized ... these are the things she re-lived. And she often cried real tears, but no one (other than the nurses) was there to comfort her.

And, she hosted tea parties for her two besties ... although I cannot remember their names. Gracie would talk for all three ladies ...

"Well, good to see you, Ethel," Gracie would say.

"And you, Grace," Gracie would reply. "I just adore these shortbread cookies you make."

"Well, thank you, Ethel. I think Mabel should be here any time," says Gracie. "Did you hear about the fire down at the "Smith's" farm?"

"Well, yes I did, Grace," Gracie would answer. "I'm just glad no one was hurt. But lots of damage, I hear ... Oh good, here comes Mabel now."

"Sorry, I'm late ladies," Gracie would say. "I had a pie in the oven and couldn't leace 'til it was cooked. You know how Gerry is ... I couldn't rely on him to take it out of the oven!" And then Gracie would giggle ... because she could remember exactly how Gerry was. 

So it would go on, giving small glimpses into her life. A life I did not know, but one I will never forget.

But it does lead me to another thought. It's a thought that one does not come to understand until they are a "true" grown up ... You can learn things from the elderly. Yes, things about your family, things about history. And you can hear about these things first hand. Unless it is too late. Would you believe that your Grama might have a secret? Something that she had never told anyone? Or that your Grandpa was involved in something truly extraordinary or life-changing?

There are so many things I wish I had asked my Grama and Grampa. My Grama died when I was only fifteen years old; and, although I had great times with her and have many wonderful memories, I did not take the time to learn about her. I was only fifteen years old, afterall - I was more concerned with my hair and who had a crush on who. Did she have regrets? What was it like when she was a child? What was her favourite flavour of ice cream? Did she have many boyfriends? Did she enjoy her job? Did she wish she could have gone to University? And, my Grampa had even more stories to share ... and he did so often. But I wish I would have taken the time to really listen to them and ask questions about the parts that interested me.

But these are the things we realize when it is too late sometimes. Probably because we are now getting old. Water for Elephants brings home the idea that inside that wrinkly skin, if you move past the difficulty that hearing loss presents, there is someone with a really cool story to tell you. And you should listen. It teaches us that you are never too old to follow your dream - don't forget that part.

This is the first in my quest to read all Canadian authors for the month of July. Sara Gruen was born in Vancouver, BC; she grew up in London, Ontario; and she studied literature at Carleton University in Ottawa, Ontario. She now resides in the US with her husband, her three children and her own menagerie of pets.


Image of Rob Pattinson as Jacob Jankowski found at RobPattzNews
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