•10:21 PM
Please ... do not tell my husband, but I have been a having an affair these last few days. And, to make things even worse, I don't want it to end.
There is a sure way to know whether I love a book or not. Take a look around my house and try to find me ... if you can. Am I in the corner of the kitchen, over by the refrigerator, hiding a little? Then you know I am engrossed. Am I stirring some concoction on the stove while reading? Are there piles of dirty clothes sitting in laundry baskets generally being ignored? What about the lunch plates - are they still on the table? Then I am in love with what I am reading.
I have just finished a love affair with The Solitude of Prime Numbers by Paolo Giordano. Honestly, run to your nearest bookstore and buy this story. My Mom has already asked to borrow my copy, but I don't know if I can part with it ... sometimes, I like to keep my true loves nearby at all times. Yes, I am aware that this is weird.
The Solitude of Prime Numbers is a study of people, so the plot line takes a back seat. Which I LOVE. But that is not to say that there is no action or story at all, however it is not what will draw you in. Oh ... and, it's not a feel good, happy ending sort of story, either. Sounds great, doesn't it? Oh, but it is. Perhaps I am drawn to it for my own personal reasons ... but I'll tell you about that soon enough.
The Solitude of Prime Numbers tells the story of two people, both feeling like they are on the outside (of life), looking in. One who is desperate to make a connection with someone else, and the other who is desperate to avoid emotional connections of any kind ... "he rejecting the world, and she feeling rejected by it ..."
When Alice was eight years old, she injured her leg in a skiing accident and is left to face life with one crippled leg. She is unhappy, and desperate to fit in. She wants to be one of the cool kids as a teenager, and she will do anything to be accepted. You'll see what I mean, when you read the book ... because I know you will. She fights for control over her life by controlling her body. Food and body image become central in Alice's life as she searches for her true self.
The novel begins when Mattia is an eight year old boy and he has a special gift for numbers ... are you beginning to see why this book speaks to me? He is brilliant, and his twin sister is not. In fact, she is mentally disabled, and Mattia finds her embarrassing - a normal feeling for an eight-year-old child. And so, when the twins are invited to a birthday party, Mattia leaves his sister playing in a park while he sneaks off to the party, with the intent of picking her up on his way home. But of course, she goes missing, presumed drowned in the nearby river, and Mattia can never forgive himself. And so he punishes himself by never allowing himself the privilege of companionship.
When Mattia and Alice meet as teenagers, they recognize in each other that common thread ... a damaged soul that seems destined to be alone. A friendship develops and yet, it is difficult to know whether they really help each other in any way.
Alice is desperate to make that connection, however, it seems that people are repelled by her, perhaps because of her physical deformity. But maybe they are not repelled at all; maybe Alice just assumes they are sickened by her appearance because she is. In any case, Alice has a difficult time forming any real relationships. On the other hand, it seems to me that people are naturally drawn to Mattia, and it is a conscious decision by him to push them away. He cannot afford to make any sort of emotional commitment.
"He removed from his desk everything that might distract his gaze, so as to feel truly alone with the page."
Although equally pathetic in their own ways, my heart belongs to Mattia ... and I know I could save him from a life of loneliness. Sometimes my own shit gets in the way, but I always want to help if I think someone is in trouble. I just want to give Mattia a big hug and tell him that it will be okay; and that his sister's death was not his fault. I want to protect him from the hurt he is feeling; and so I am left with this yearning to go and find Mattia; to make him feel better. But, he's not real, right? And so the only thing I can do for real is sit here and brood ... or pick up the next book, I guess. But I'm not ready to say goodbye to him just yet.
The parents in this story appear to be absent. Mattia's mother never seems to recover from the loss of her daughter, and in a very subtle way, it is indicated that she blames Mattia. Although perhaps it is just an assumption made by Mattia. Alice's father withdraws from her because she is no longer able to pursue his dream of becoming an accomplished skiier. And, he feels responsible for her injury. In either case, the children feel unsupported by their parents ... there is no emotional connection between them. Shouldn't you always feel accepted by your parents? No matter what? When everything is crumbling down around you, you should always be able to turn to your parent ... in my opinion, anyway.
Do you even know what a prime number is? Let me take you back to highschool math and remind you ... it is a number that is divisible only by one and itself.
“They are suspicious, solitary numbers, which is why Mattia thought they were wonderful … Mattia had learned that, among prime numbers there are some that are even more special. Mathematicians call them twin primes: pairs of prime numbers that are close to each other … but between them there is always an even number that prevents them from touching … Mattia thought that he and Alice were like that, twin primes, alone and lost, close but not close enough to really touch each other. He had never told her that.”
Maybe, if the even number that separates the twin primes became a common interest, the two could really connect. In some way. Perhaps not the way you want them to, but in some way.
Mattia uses math as an escape from feeling and as a way to shape his world. When given a phone number he immediately makes a mental note that all the numbers are odd numbers; when in an uncomfortable situation he distracts himself from the reality of what is happening by calculating the angle of two things or the volume of the room; while driving to school as a teenager, he estimates distance by counting rooftops. This fascinates me because his brain works so much like my Caiden's does.
In some respects, Caiden and Mattia were not alike at all, because Caiden actively seeks out emotional friendships. And it is important to him that you are "happy at him," as he would say when he was younger. However, when it comes to numbers, I think their brains are very succinct. From a very early age, Caiden broke things down into a number ... what time, how big, how long, how many, the most, the age. Numbers are the way in which he understands and reconciles the world. And it seems a little odd to people sometimes, but I find it fascinating.
But it is a burden to be smart. It is not easy ... for so many reasons. Mattia says it best ...
"Mattia thought there was nothing good about having his mind. That he would happily have unscrewed it and replaced it with a different one ... provided it was empty and light. He opened his mouth to reply that feeling special is the worst kind of cage that a person can build for himself, but he didn't say anything."
When Caiden was about three years old, he could count. In fact, he counted all the time, and even now, sometimes when he is trying to calm down or centre his thoughts, I will find pieces of paper with numbers beginning at one and carrying on until he feels the need to move on to the next thing. When Caiden was three years old, he could count in increments of any number ... he counted by 2's and 4's and 9's and 16's and 23's. Any number. It was incredible to hear this little tiny voice rhyme off numbers in sequential orders. And we would encourage him to count for our friends ... because we were amazed. And the more we did so, the more people wanted to hear him ... as he stood with his little calculator and that smile, it was difficult to resist him. But he learned very quickly that he was different ... because his mother insisted that he count for people. Eventually, he refused to do it, and I am certain it was because it made him feel bad inside ... because he understood he was different. It is a mistake I made as a parent; one that I deeply regret and wish I could change. And sometimes I wonder if the reason he hides his intelligence now is because he never wants to feel like that again ... feel different, like an outsider.
And so, I am drawn to Mattia and his story of self-discovery. And I wish that I could teach him a set of rules that would make everything okay for him. Because that is how his brain works ... in sequence. This I know from experience.
The Solitude of Prime Numbers was a memorable read for me. But it doesn't have to be a solitary experience ... read it and then let me know what you think ... because I am pretty sure I will still be thinking about my Mattia and Alice for a long time to come.
There is a sure way to know whether I love a book or not. Take a look around my house and try to find me ... if you can. Am I in the corner of the kitchen, over by the refrigerator, hiding a little? Then you know I am engrossed. Am I stirring some concoction on the stove while reading? Are there piles of dirty clothes sitting in laundry baskets generally being ignored? What about the lunch plates - are they still on the table? Then I am in love with what I am reading.
I have just finished a love affair with The Solitude of Prime Numbers by Paolo Giordano. Honestly, run to your nearest bookstore and buy this story. My Mom has already asked to borrow my copy, but I don't know if I can part with it ... sometimes, I like to keep my true loves nearby at all times. Yes, I am aware that this is weird.
The Solitude of Prime Numbers is a study of people, so the plot line takes a back seat. Which I LOVE. But that is not to say that there is no action or story at all, however it is not what will draw you in. Oh ... and, it's not a feel good, happy ending sort of story, either. Sounds great, doesn't it? Oh, but it is. Perhaps I am drawn to it for my own personal reasons ... but I'll tell you about that soon enough.
The Solitude of Prime Numbers tells the story of two people, both feeling like they are on the outside (of life), looking in. One who is desperate to make a connection with someone else, and the other who is desperate to avoid emotional connections of any kind ... "he rejecting the world, and she feeling rejected by it ..."
When Alice was eight years old, she injured her leg in a skiing accident and is left to face life with one crippled leg. She is unhappy, and desperate to fit in. She wants to be one of the cool kids as a teenager, and she will do anything to be accepted. You'll see what I mean, when you read the book ... because I know you will. She fights for control over her life by controlling her body. Food and body image become central in Alice's life as she searches for her true self.
The novel begins when Mattia is an eight year old boy and he has a special gift for numbers ... are you beginning to see why this book speaks to me? He is brilliant, and his twin sister is not. In fact, she is mentally disabled, and Mattia finds her embarrassing - a normal feeling for an eight-year-old child. And so, when the twins are invited to a birthday party, Mattia leaves his sister playing in a park while he sneaks off to the party, with the intent of picking her up on his way home. But of course, she goes missing, presumed drowned in the nearby river, and Mattia can never forgive himself. And so he punishes himself by never allowing himself the privilege of companionship.
When Mattia and Alice meet as teenagers, they recognize in each other that common thread ... a damaged soul that seems destined to be alone. A friendship develops and yet, it is difficult to know whether they really help each other in any way.
Alice is desperate to make that connection, however, it seems that people are repelled by her, perhaps because of her physical deformity. But maybe they are not repelled at all; maybe Alice just assumes they are sickened by her appearance because she is. In any case, Alice has a difficult time forming any real relationships. On the other hand, it seems to me that people are naturally drawn to Mattia, and it is a conscious decision by him to push them away. He cannot afford to make any sort of emotional commitment.
"He removed from his desk everything that might distract his gaze, so as to feel truly alone with the page."
Although equally pathetic in their own ways, my heart belongs to Mattia ... and I know I could save him from a life of loneliness. Sometimes my own shit gets in the way, but I always want to help if I think someone is in trouble. I just want to give Mattia a big hug and tell him that it will be okay; and that his sister's death was not his fault. I want to protect him from the hurt he is feeling; and so I am left with this yearning to go and find Mattia; to make him feel better. But, he's not real, right? And so the only thing I can do for real is sit here and brood ... or pick up the next book, I guess. But I'm not ready to say goodbye to him just yet.
The parents in this story appear to be absent. Mattia's mother never seems to recover from the loss of her daughter, and in a very subtle way, it is indicated that she blames Mattia. Although perhaps it is just an assumption made by Mattia. Alice's father withdraws from her because she is no longer able to pursue his dream of becoming an accomplished skiier. And, he feels responsible for her injury. In either case, the children feel unsupported by their parents ... there is no emotional connection between them. Shouldn't you always feel accepted by your parents? No matter what? When everything is crumbling down around you, you should always be able to turn to your parent ... in my opinion, anyway.
Do you even know what a prime number is? Let me take you back to highschool math and remind you ... it is a number that is divisible only by one and itself.
“They are suspicious, solitary numbers, which is why Mattia thought they were wonderful … Mattia had learned that, among prime numbers there are some that are even more special. Mathematicians call them twin primes: pairs of prime numbers that are close to each other … but between them there is always an even number that prevents them from touching … Mattia thought that he and Alice were like that, twin primes, alone and lost, close but not close enough to really touch each other. He had never told her that.”
Maybe, if the even number that separates the twin primes became a common interest, the two could really connect. In some way. Perhaps not the way you want them to, but in some way.
Mattia uses math as an escape from feeling and as a way to shape his world. When given a phone number he immediately makes a mental note that all the numbers are odd numbers; when in an uncomfortable situation he distracts himself from the reality of what is happening by calculating the angle of two things or the volume of the room; while driving to school as a teenager, he estimates distance by counting rooftops. This fascinates me because his brain works so much like my Caiden's does.
In some respects, Caiden and Mattia were not alike at all, because Caiden actively seeks out emotional friendships. And it is important to him that you are "happy at him," as he would say when he was younger. However, when it comes to numbers, I think their brains are very succinct. From a very early age, Caiden broke things down into a number ... what time, how big, how long, how many, the most, the age. Numbers are the way in which he understands and reconciles the world. And it seems a little odd to people sometimes, but I find it fascinating.
But it is a burden to be smart. It is not easy ... for so many reasons. Mattia says it best ...
"Mattia thought there was nothing good about having his mind. That he would happily have unscrewed it and replaced it with a different one ... provided it was empty and light. He opened his mouth to reply that feeling special is the worst kind of cage that a person can build for himself, but he didn't say anything."
And so, I am drawn to Mattia and his story of self-discovery. And I wish that I could teach him a set of rules that would make everything okay for him. Because that is how his brain works ... in sequence. This I know from experience.
The Solitude of Prime Numbers was a memorable read for me. But it doesn't have to be a solitary experience ... read it and then let me know what you think ... because I am pretty sure I will still be thinking about my Mattia and Alice for a long time to come.
3 comments:
This book sounds so good, Jill. I can't wait to read it. Love that dear photo of my little grandson too.
OMG I loved youre review about that book, I adored that book, i was searching to see if he had written some other book, and sadly I don't think so,
wow a 100 in a year that's a lot, i did 50 book in a year, but i'm not sure I would be able to do 100 books in 1 years,
Laurence, Thanks for the kind words. I read (somewhere) that Giordano was working on a second book; we'll have to wait for the translation, though ... unless you can read Italian!! I read on your profile that your favourite book is The Catcher in the Rye .... finished it earlier this month and I'll be writing about it soon ... as soon as my exams are finished. Come back and check out my thoughts on that book, too!! ;)