•10:25 PM
Originally written in Oct/10, but not posted until now.
This has been a crazy week. In fact, the last six weeks have been crazy for me. It has taken some adjustment (by everyone) to get used to the idea of Jill Jones, University Student.
This past week I had one midterm, one quiz, and two essays due. So today, after I handed in the last essay, I decided that Addie C. and I should go out for lunch. To McDonald's, of course ... her favourite.
While we were eating, I asked her about school.
"So, Addie," I chatted, "are you still learning about apples at school?"
"Nope, that's all done now," she explained.
"Oh, I bet you'll talk about leaves soon," I told her, feeling fairly confident since I have been through the JK curriculum twice recently.
"Yeah, Mommy, we already do that," Addie told me. "It's called Fall."
"Oh, pardon me," I said. "I didn't realize you were so smart. I wonder if you'll go on a nature walk this year." I was sort of talking to myself, wondering if I could somehow swing tagging along as a parental helper.
"We already did that tomorrow," she informed me. Addie C. gets her "esterdays" mixed up with her tomorrows sometimes. "And me and Simone were partners. So we shared a bag and we go alot of leaves, too."
What? How could I not know about this?
This is what I have been afraid of.
There are things going on in my little girl's life that I don't know about. That I am not involved in. It's what I have been afraid of, and I was heartbroken.
When Caiden and Marnie were in JK, I dropped them off every day and picked them up every day. I talked to their teachers every day; I knew what was happening in the classrooms; I knew who was naughty and who was nice; and occasionally, I did things with the class.
But now, I am doing things in my own classroom. With my own classmates. It feels great being out there, back in the world, talking to people, learning new things. But sometimes I feel like I am missing out on the stuff with my own kids. Like the effortless chatter when they come through the door after school.
But I cannot just sit at home, in case something interesting happens at school, right? Or wait around with the hopes that I might get the chanve to help out on a nature walk. That would be crazy ...
But still, this is what I have been afraid of ...
This has been a crazy week. In fact, the last six weeks have been crazy for me. It has taken some adjustment (by everyone) to get used to the idea of Jill Jones, University Student.
This past week I had one midterm, one quiz, and two essays due. So today, after I handed in the last essay, I decided that Addie C. and I should go out for lunch. To McDonald's, of course ... her favourite.
While we were eating, I asked her about school.
"So, Addie," I chatted, "are you still learning about apples at school?"
"Nope, that's all done now," she explained.
"Oh, I bet you'll talk about leaves soon," I told her, feeling fairly confident since I have been through the JK curriculum twice recently.
"Yeah, Mommy, we already do that," Addie told me. "It's called Fall."
"Oh, pardon me," I said. "I didn't realize you were so smart. I wonder if you'll go on a nature walk this year." I was sort of talking to myself, wondering if I could somehow swing tagging along as a parental helper.
"We already did that tomorrow," she informed me. Addie C. gets her "esterdays" mixed up with her tomorrows sometimes. "And me and Simone were partners. So we shared a bag and we go alot of leaves, too."
What? How could I not know about this?
This is what I have been afraid of.
There are things going on in my little girl's life that I don't know about. That I am not involved in. It's what I have been afraid of, and I was heartbroken.
When Caiden and Marnie were in JK, I dropped them off every day and picked them up every day. I talked to their teachers every day; I knew what was happening in the classrooms; I knew who was naughty and who was nice; and occasionally, I did things with the class.
But now, I am doing things in my own classroom. With my own classmates. It feels great being out there, back in the world, talking to people, learning new things. But sometimes I feel like I am missing out on the stuff with my own kids. Like the effortless chatter when they come through the door after school.
But I cannot just sit at home, in case something interesting happens at school, right? Or wait around with the hopes that I might get the chanve to help out on a nature walk. That would be crazy ...
But still, this is what I have been afraid of ...
2 comments:
All working/student Moms hate to give up the precious times they share with their little ones. It's impossible to be a full-time "everything to everyone" but you've come about as close as anyone could, Jill. Enjoy those good times with the kids when you can ... you are such a good Mommy.
Gaye is right, you're a good mommy. The mommy guilt is a powerful and never ending thing. Trust me, Megan (and Jake to a lesser degree) still desperately misses me when I'm on afternoons even if Daddy is home. I get about 20 phone calls at work. And to be honest, I miss them too, even when they are driving me crazy!! Wait til they're 15 and 13 and coming home from the midnight show at 3 am!!! I miss those JK days......