•2:06 PM
There is just one left ... one little princess, playing quietly ... not whining or crying or screaming at her brother/sister because her feelings have been hurt. Addison is often left out. Even though there is approximately two years between each child, Caiden and Marnie are only one year separated in school - because of the way their birthdays fall. Which makes them superior to little Addie in some way, apparently. They are learned in the ways of school, and she is just a baby. Or, that is what they try to tell her anyway.
Oh ... it is so hard having all three here for the whole day. It is overwhelming and very difficult. And, you know, I am ashamed to admit that ... I mean, they are my own children. The very children I dreamed of having. So, shouldn't I be able to handle them - all by myself? It is trying to take all three of them out ... in the world. I have done it ... I can do it. But it's not always pretty.
I think part of the issue is that they are not all interested in the same things anymore. There was a time, when Addie was just small I guess, that all three of them were interested in the same things - running through the sprinkler on a hot summer day, The Incredibles, colouring, baking with Mommy. But things have changed ... for instance, I was looking at the movie listings this past week, and I could not find one movie that I thought all three of them would like. Marnie is easiest because she would go see any movie, any time - princesses, racing cars, adventures, mysteries, whatever. As long as she gets a bucket of popcorn, she is happy and entertained. But the movies that interest my littlest princess, do not interest Caiden ... my little man. And, similarily, some of the activities that Addison would happily join in on, Caiden would have no interest in. For instance, if I had a momentary lapse in judgment, and allowed my kids in the Playland at McDonalds, Addie would be ecstatic; Caiden would have no interest. However, we all know that momentary lapse in judgment is not going to happen, so this is probably a bad example. But you get the idea, I hope.
My neighbours, who live across the street, have triplets. Two boys and a little princess. They are adorable ... truly ... toddling around nearing their second birthday. And I know that it has been difficult for them ... for the better part of their first year as parents, I think, they had gramas and grampas coming to help with feedings and bathings. But as difficult as it has been, I envy them because those little sweeties are all going through the same thing at the same time. They learned to walk at the same time (roughly), they will learn "pee-pee-on-the-potty" at the same time, they will all love Grover and Cookie Monster at the same time, they will all love Toy Story 3 when it comes out this summer. This is not to say that they are not individuals with their own likes and dislikes; but developmentally, they will all be interested in, and able to do, the same types of things at the same time. In that way, it would be easier for me and my parenting style. But just wait until they all want a car at the same time ... or leave for university at the same time ...
Caiden is an anxious child ... he is nervous going to new places and/or meeting new people, especially new children. He does not like crowds. He is interested in learning new things and experiencing new things ... but not if there are other people around or it is crowded. And not if it involves being away from the house for an extended period of time. Finding an activity that the family can do together is challenging. My sweet boy is very high maintenance, and can take all of my efforts. And all of my energy. When he and I go out together (just the two of us) and he has all my attention, he is usually fabulous ... well-behaved, polite, appropriately shy but well-spoken when spoken to, and I would even use the word, mature - as long as it is not an all-day shopping trip. Wait ... who am I kidding? I think the last time I went on an all-day shopping trip, it was a different century. But, you know what I mean ... he enjoys time at home ... he's a home-body like me. Caiden draws a real sense of security from familiar surroundings.
So, when I complain (as I have been known to do) about what to do with my children and how to entertain them, the answer everyone give me is to just enroll the kids in a camp. If only it were that easy. By the time, I helped Caiden to adjust to the new environment and the new people, the camp would be over. And he would not have enjoyed himself, and I would not have enjoyed myself. Somtimes it is just easier to do the easy thing.
Some day, I will write about the challenges of having an anxious child. It can be devastating at times, heart-breaking, frustrating, trying, and eye-opening. But, you know, I would never want to embarrass Caiden. Or reveal things that may upset him ... or cause him more anxiety. So, for now, just know that when I take my children out ... in the world ... it can be very difficult.
Addison is almost four years old ... enough said. She is curious but respectful of her distance away from me. However, she does not respect displays of food at the grocery store ... there have been many times when I have been astounded that whole displays of apples have not come tumbling down. She is also terrible in parking lots ... she runs around the same as she does in our backyard - all willie-nillie.
The three of them in a parking lot is enough to send me running for a large bottle tranquilizers.
And, Addison will put anything in her mouth. She's not afraid. Once, when she was about two-and-a-half years old, she found Smarties on the floor at Toys R Us and, yes, she ate them ... I know, I'm reaching for the anti-bacterial mouthwash as I type. While Marnie giggled, Caiden and I almost had a nervous breakdown. Now, you are probably asking yourself why a two-and-a-half-year-old was not sitting in the shopping cart? Because good mommies would ensure that their toddler was safe in the shopping cart, so that little episodes like the one I just mentioned, do not happen. That is a great point, however, Addie C. did not see things that way at the time. And letting her run off some energy while walking through the store, seemed like a good idea at that moment. I mean, what could happen? It's Toys R Us ... they expect kids to get into trouble, right? True, but apparently, these same kids can also eat someone else's Smarties off the floor.
So, between Caiden feeling out of sorts in a strange place, and Addie C. running around like a four-year-old does, eating someone else's Smarties off the floor, I hope you can appreciate why it is difficult for me to take them out. And, I hope you also appreciate my guilt over not doing more things with the three of them.
March Break 2010 was a long week. Jonesy took a couple of days off, and we tried to do some things with them ... went to a Maple Syrup farm, had supper at Nana and Grampa's house, Marnie slept over at Nana's house, too; Marnie and I went to my cousin's curling match; we went out to eat a couple of times - in a restaurant. But it is difficult with the three of them ... when we visited a local favourite for supper, Caiden used the (single) handicapped restroom - but left the door wide open so all the patrons could watch him take care of his business, if they so choose. He had no idea because his back was to the door. Welcome to a trip to a restaurant with the Jones.
You know, it feels good to write all this down and admit to my feelings of inadequacy. I tell myself that it will get easier as they get older; and I believe that is true. And, I know there will be new challenges right around the corner ... like referree-ing battles over shoes and belts, and juggling everyone else's social calendar.
So, for today, I will just continue to enjoy the quiet and the hot latte. Woo-hoo!!
2 comments:
Jill, never feel inadequate as a Mom. You are one of the most caring and giving Mommies ever. Enjoy your quiet times, with and without the kids, and NEVER feel guilty. Without quiet times, the rest would be unbearable. I know because I was the Mommy of young children once. lol
Jill, I agree with your Mom's comments too. Believe me, all moms feel the same at one time or another. When Megan was little, I too, attempted to go out. On at least 3 occasions, we left Walmart or some other store with a wailing, fit-throwing child in tow. I once left her laying flat on her back, screaming in the aisle (of course Marv was there and I just looked at him and left). All my neighbours thought that I was beating her when I tried to put her in her car seat every day. She refused to get dressed. EVER. So all of our videos and pictures back then are of her half naked.
She's still my willful, impossible, aggravating child. But at least now she'll get dressed!!!