"I think I'm gonna marry Caiden tomowow," Addie C. told me the other day, as she jumped up and down on the couch, watching me make her lunch.
"Well, you can't marry your brother," I try to explain. She looks bewildered.
"But ... I want to," Addie C. continues, "because I love him."
And she does. A lot.
I studied about Freud's Oedipus Complex when I was in University. Basically, it involves a child's unconscious desire to possess the parent of the opposite sex. Jonesy and I have watched our kids move through this stage in the past, and Addie C. is right on schedule.
She loves hangin' out with the boys, trying to get them to laugh or look her way. "Daddy is gonna love this dress," or "Wait 'til Daddy this shirt ... he's gonna flip out!" are often the first things I hear in the morning. Addie C. waits not very patiently for TT to get home from school. When Addison was learning to talk, she couldn't say Caiden; she said TT. And the nickname has stuck because now we all refer to him as TT or T. As the time for the bus draws nearer, she often spends those last few minutes of quiet trying to think of things he'd like to play with her. And, then the minute her TT comes through the door, she is by his side, begging for attention.
The thing is ... he doesn't really want to play with her. He is eight years old (practically a man) and most often annoyed by her antics to get his attention. He does not enjoy watching The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with her, and hates that she wants to be with him all the time. Occasionally he takes pity on her and he will play with his little sister, drawing her into his imagination. This is when she just glows ... until she does not do things the way he demands and then the fun is over. When he choses to do something without her though, she is forced to play with her new bestfriend, Shadow. Now, Shadow first came to keep her company when she was in bed, with the nightlight on. Addie C. would read a story to her baby and her new friend, Shadow. But then she realized that, under the right conditions, Shadow would come out to play during the daytime, too. Until her big brother stomps on poor Shadow as he walks by ... on his way to do something that does not involve Addie C.
I was not aware that the Oedipus Complex could be extended to siblings. Marnie was truly enamoured with her Daddy, but she was not as devoted to her brother as little Addie C. has been. Marnie begged to go to the store with her Dad, play music with him, barbeque with him, do anything with him. On a few occasions, she even chose to stay with him when I went out to grab some groceries. I was heart-broken ... how could my sweet girl abandon me? Shopping was some of our "girly" time together ... occasionally lunch in a restaurant was involved. She wanted to give all that up, to sit around and watch College football on Saturday? I don't get it!!
But, it was short lived because she is all mine again. And, I know Addie C. will return to the "Jones Girls Rule" team soon. But in the meantime, it is hysterical to watch her in action, insisting on gaining her brother's affection and making her Daddy laugh.
And so, the conversation continues.
"Addie, you cannot marry your brother," I tell her. "You'll have to find another man to marry you. Someone who is not your brother." Tears spring to her eyes.
"Okay," she concedes, her head hung low. Suddenly, her head snaps up, those little eyes sparkling again; she has an idea. "What about Daddy? Can I marry him?"
"Well, you can't marry your brother," I try to explain. She looks bewildered.
"But ... I want to," Addie C. continues, "because I love him."
And she does. A lot.
I studied about Freud's Oedipus Complex when I was in University. Basically, it involves a child's unconscious desire to possess the parent of the opposite sex. Jonesy and I have watched our kids move through this stage in the past, and Addie C. is right on schedule.
She loves hangin' out with the boys, trying to get them to laugh or look her way. "Daddy is gonna love this dress," or "Wait 'til Daddy this shirt ... he's gonna flip out!" are often the first things I hear in the morning. Addie C. waits not very patiently for TT to get home from school. When Addison was learning to talk, she couldn't say Caiden; she said TT. And the nickname has stuck because now we all refer to him as TT or T. As the time for the bus draws nearer, she often spends those last few minutes of quiet trying to think of things he'd like to play with her. And, then the minute her TT comes through the door, she is by his side, begging for attention.
The thing is ... he doesn't really want to play with her. He is eight years old (practically a man) and most often annoyed by her antics to get his attention. He does not enjoy watching The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with her, and hates that she wants to be with him all the time. Occasionally he takes pity on her and he will play with his little sister, drawing her into his imagination. This is when she just glows ... until she does not do things the way he demands and then the fun is over. When he choses to do something without her though, she is forced to play with her new bestfriend, Shadow. Now, Shadow first came to keep her company when she was in bed, with the nightlight on. Addie C. would read a story to her baby and her new friend, Shadow. But then she realized that, under the right conditions, Shadow would come out to play during the daytime, too. Until her big brother stomps on poor Shadow as he walks by ... on his way to do something that does not involve Addie C.
I was not aware that the Oedipus Complex could be extended to siblings. Marnie was truly enamoured with her Daddy, but she was not as devoted to her brother as little Addie C. has been. Marnie begged to go to the store with her Dad, play music with him, barbeque with him, do anything with him. On a few occasions, she even chose to stay with him when I went out to grab some groceries. I was heart-broken ... how could my sweet girl abandon me? Shopping was some of our "girly" time together ... occasionally lunch in a restaurant was involved. She wanted to give all that up, to sit around and watch College football on Saturday? I don't get it!!
But, it was short lived because she is all mine again. And, I know Addie C. will return to the "Jones Girls Rule" team soon. But in the meantime, it is hysterical to watch her in action, insisting on gaining her brother's affection and making her Daddy laugh.
And so, the conversation continues.
"Addie, you cannot marry your brother," I tell her. "You'll have to find another man to marry you. Someone who is not your brother." Tears spring to her eyes.
"Okay," she concedes, her head hung low. Suddenly, her head snaps up, those little eyes sparkling again; she has an idea. "What about Daddy? Can I marry him?"
0 comments: